There is no such thing as too much money, too much fun or too many shirtless abs on Dancing with the Stars. However, there is such thing as too much nice. Being a nice girl is attractive, but being too nice makes you a pushover, and a pushover is not attractive. Sometimes you need to be a little less nice and a little fiercer to get things done. That’s not to say you need to go all mean girl, but there are occasions when being the mean girl is going to get you farther – and garner you more respect from your peers – than being the nice girl. Instead of calling that girl the mean girl, we’ll call her the fierce girl; and here are a few ways you can up your nice girl game and tone down your mean girl for the perfect combination to get what you want.
It’s not what, it’s how you say it that gives it real meaning. Your mother will understand this. When someone does something wrong, or does something that irritates you, watch your tone. Being passive-aggressive will only make it seem like you aren’t able to stand up for yourself, but going all crazy girl on the person in the wrong will make you look like a psycho. Instead, confront that person by giving them an out such as, “I’m sure you didn’t realize it, but…”. This way you get your point across, without being a you-know-what or a pushover.
The Power of Persuasion
When you want things done your way, you have to go about it just right. Persuading someone to believe your way is far better than their way takes some finesse. Your sister has a new man and you haven’t seen her in weeks. Nice you would usually say, “Hey sis, I think you’re spending too much time with your man and not enough with me, and it isn’t fair.” Mean you would say, “Call me when you finally break up with that loser, but not a second before.” Fierce you should say, “Girls night out, stat! I miss your amazing self, and I’ll pick you up at eight.” Instead of acting hurt and offended at her actions, which will only make her feel annoyed, or making it seem like you hate her new man, which will only make her angry, you’ve stroked her ego and made her do exactly what you want without her even realizing it.
Knowing When Enough is Enough…and When it’s Not
Life isn’t a Burger King drive-thru – you don’t always get it your way. Sometimes you have to recognize that enough is enough. Perhaps you are traveling and your hotel room is not quite up to par; say your window opens up to the less than gorgeous view of the back alley dumpster pick up location. The first thing you do is head down to the lobby and ask for a new room. When the front desk clerk informs you that all the pool view rooms are booked, you then have to react. Nice you cries and accepts your horrible room. Mean you stands in the lobby and informs the rest of the guests who are checking in that the hotel rooms are infested with spiders. Fierce you asks for the manager. Speaking with confidence, but without yelling or sounding accusatory, you ask the manager what he can do for you to provide you with a room that has a better view. Unless you booked and paid for a room with a view, the manager is not required to give you anything, but asking nicely and offering to compromise might net you a resort view room or a free cocktail in the lobby for your inconvenience.
Being a pushover is going to get you nothing, but being a first class you-know-what is going to get you even less. Walk the line between rude and timid and you’ll find that you are able to get far more accomplished than ever before.