Lisa O.
A codependent relationship happens when partners don’t share power equally. Instead, they blend their identities together, becoming reliant on this unhealthy dynamic. This type of relationship often grows from insecurities that one or both partners have about relationships, and these issues usually show up over time. If you think you might be in a codependent relationship—check out these 15 signs.
You Struggle to Communicate Openly
If you and your partner can’t talk honestly about your feelings, that’s a big warning sign. People in codependent relationships often fear sharing their true thoughts because they worry about being judged or rejected. This leads to surface-level conversations where real emotions are hidden. Without honest communication—misunderstandings can pile up, and resentment can grow.
You Constantly Seek Approval
Feeling like you need your partner’s approval for even small decisions can be a sign of codependency. While it’s great to make choices together, needing permission to enjoy your hobbies or see friends shows that the balance in your relationship is totally off. You might find yourself second-guessing your choices or skipping activities that bring you joy to keep your partner happy.
You Find It Hard to Say No
If you feel like you can’t say no to your partner, even when you want to, that’s a clear sign of codependency. You may feel pressured by guilt or an unwritten expectation to always say yes to your better half. This can lead to overcommitting yourself and feeling overwhelmed—ultimately causing resentment toward your partner.
You Feel the Urge to Rescue Your Partner
If you’re always jumping in to save your partner from their problems, it could mean you’re codependent. Being supportive is great, but it gets tricky if you feel you must make them happy. It can create an imbalance if you’re helping out without them asking or feeling like you have to fix their issues. This adds stress for you and keeps your partner from figuring out how to handle their problems.
You Have Trouble Making Decisions
Struggling to make your own choices can be another sign of a codependent relationship. If you often rely on your partner to decide things for you, it creates an imbalance where one person has all the power. When one partner always takes the lead, the other might feel helpless or unimportant, leading to frustration and resentment.
You Have a Fear of Abandonment
Feeling scared of being alone can lead to unhealthy attachments in a relationship. It might be time to reevaluate your situation if you’re staying with someone out of fear rather than love. This fear can lead to clinginess—where one partner feels they must constantly reassure the other to keep them from leaving. Such dynamics create a cycle of anxiety and dependency that can be very hard to break.
You Feel Selfish for Taking Time for Yourself
It can be tough to pull yourself away, even just to find a little peace. If you struggle to feel motivated to do things you usually enjoy when your partner isn’t around, it might be a sign of codependency. Do you feel strange being apart from them? Does it feel weird doing things you loved before you met them? Can you spend even a couple of hours outside your comfort zone without needing them there for support?
You Have Low Self-Esteem
Low self-esteem can make someone feel like they should just be with anyone interested. Because of their negative self-talk—many people end up with partners who don’t meet their needs. In codependent relationships, those with low self-esteem often struggle with their partners since they might not feel confident enough to speak up or stand up for themselves.
You Feel Lost When They’re Not Around
Missing your partner is totally normal, but if you feel lost or unsure of yourself when they’re not around, it might mean you’re codependent. This usually happens when you don’t really know who you are outside the relationship—which can make it hard to enjoy your own hobbies. It’s important to keep your independence and sense of self for a healthier relationship.
You Want to Change Your Partner
No one is perfect, but there’s a big difference between a little annoyance about how someone makes their bed and serious differences in character or beliefs. For example, if you love staying in but your partner is all about the nightlife, and you’re hoping they’ll change to match your vibe while you force yourself to go out, that might be a sign of codependency.
You Experience Anxiety When You Don’t Hear from Them
Do you worry about whether someone has their read receipts turned on? Do you check your phone frequently to see if they’ve messaged you? If you often feel anxious or imagine the worst when you’re apart, and you keep reaching for your phone or trying to contact them, it might be because you depend too much on your partner for happiness.
You Often Cancel Plans to Be with Your Partner
This ties closely to self-care. You might be making too much room for your partner, which means you’re reaching out less to friends and family. You might worry that if you get busy, you’ll miss chances to stay connected with your partner. Or perhaps you’ve become too comfortable canceling plans at the last minute because you’re putting your partner ahead of your other relationships.
Your Space Doesn’t Feel Like Yours
You might have changed your home decor or layout to match your partner’s style, or maybe your personal space feels less like a cozy retreat and more like an unfamiliar place when they’re not around. If you feel anxious or sad when you come home alone or when your partner leaves, it could be time to take small steps to reclaim your space. Try organizing things the way you like them and adding elements that bring you comfort.
You Struggle to Be Alone
How often do you spend time alone compared to time with your partner? Can you relax by yourself without feeling the urge to reach out to someone? Sometimes, it can be uncomfortable to sit with your own thoughts, so it feels easier to focus on another person instead of facing what’s bothering you. This can lead you to avoid the things you need to do to make your situation better.
You Worry That You Ask for Too Much
Do you hold back from asking for what you need because you’re worried about how your partner will react? Have you been told you’re too demanding, even when your requests are small? Are your efforts to solve problems dismissed before they can start? Communication is key in any relationship, but if you feel guilty for bringing up certain issues or if you’re unsure whether your feelings are valid, your partner might be gaslighting you.
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