Does Sleeping in Separate Beds Make Any Sense?


There was once a time when I heard someone state that she and her husband sleep in separate beds, and I immediately went to, “They must have such an unhappy marriage,” but I was wrong. They actually have a great marriage, but they cannot sleep together because they hate it. It makes them angry, sleep deprived and unhappy. Separate beds, however, is what they credit for saving their long marriage. My husband and I share a bed, and we have for 13 years. But that doesn’t mean there have been times in which I have thought to myself, “I wonder if I should leave him asleep on the couch so that I can have the bed all to myself tonight,” before going to bed. I love my husband and I love his presence, but there are times I miss having a bed all to myself.

So, does sleeping in separate beds make sense? There is no right or wrong answer here. The correct answer is the one that makes most sense for your family. For example, when I was pregnant with our twins and in the late stages of that uncomfortable pregnancy, I found it much easier to sleep when I was in the reclined position on our couch. What did my husband do? He slept on the couch next to me, because we just like to be close. For us, that’s what makes sense; being together. For others, it doesn’t. Some people snore, suffer from insomnia, toss and turn, talk in their sleep or can’t get comfortable with someone nearby, and those people probably do very well in separate beds.

Ask yourself what would really make you happy in your marriage; sleeping together or separate? Whatever works for you is entirely up to you. Do not let the stigma get to you. Make the decision that will save your marriage; but just note that both parties should be on the same page regarding this decision or it could actually cause worse issues in your marriage.

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