Getting married is something really amazing when you wait for the right person. When people told me that I was too young to get married, I ignored them and I’m glad I did. I was 19 when my high school sweetheart proposed to me, and we waited two years until we were done with college before we tied the knot. We even built a house in that timeframe and were able to move in the day after we returned from our honeymoon. We were 21 and 22 when we got married. Guess what? In two short weeks, my husband and I will celebrate our tenth wedding anniversary – nearly 14 years together – and we are happy. We have more fun together than with anyone else, we laugh a lot and we enjoy being together. We argue, but we aren’t malicious or mean. We have four kids, a new house, two careers we both love; everything we’ve ever wanted is ours and we are very appreciative of that.
The catch is that we didn’t get married for the wrong reasons; we got married for the right reasons. We love one another and there was never any question in either of our minds that we were in it for the long haul and that our futures always included one another. Unfortunately, not everyone gets married for the right reasons. Some people don’t realize this right away and by the time they do it’s too late. Others know it, but they hope for a better than statistically proven outcome. So if you’re thinking about getting married, let us provide you with a few really good reasons as to why you shouldn’t. If you are getting married for one of these reasons, perhaps it’s not the best idea.
Listen; I was married long before we had kids, and that’s how we planned our life. But sometimes things happen and you find yourself expecting a child before you make a commitment to get married. There will be people that judge you, but that’s not any reason to get married. Unless you want to marry someone, doing it just because you are having a baby is not logical. I mean, if you don’t even want to get married, how is that setting a good example for your child? Getting pregnant does not mean you have to get married. Who cares what other people think?
You’ve been Together a Long Time and it’s the Standard Next Step
It’s been a few years, you’re happy and things are just fine. You’re content and you’re thinking that getting married is the logical next step. It would seem that’s a good reason to get married, but it really isn’t. Unless you want to get married, you shouldn’t do it just because it’s the ‘right’ thing to do.
That Biological Clock is Ticking
Hey! Let’s get married because my clock is ticking and my personal life timeline states that I want to get pregnant and have kids by a certain age, so we need to get married right now. I’ve said it before and I will say it again; don’t get married unless you actually want to get married.
Worst reason to get married; you’re lonely! Guess what? You’re going to be even lonelier married to someone you really aren’t that into. Your life is going to feel less than ideal because it is less than ideal, so go ahead and just be lonely with yourself. It’s far more rewarding.
You get to make your own life decisions. Want to know why? Because this is your life; don’t let anyone else pressure you into getting married because they think you should. Whether it’s your parents, his parents, your friends, or even just him, don’t do it.
Everyone Else is Doing It
Let me suck it up right now and allow my mother to come out of my mouth (it kills me…just kills me when she does). If everyone else was jumping off a bridge, would you? And that’s all you need to ponder.
You’re Getting Older
Hey, guess what? Sometimes people get married when they’re really old; like 90. And sometimes people get married when they’re really young, like me. And sometimes they get married at various points in their lives in between those ages, and everyone is just fine with that.
You Want Financial Stability
If you want financial stability in your life, get a better job and a college education and a savings account and a 401k; not a husband. If you’re getting married for money, you’re doing it wrong. Marriage isn’t about money; it’s about love.
You Want to Wait Until Marriage
This one just kills me. When I read about young women in their blogs or hear from them at church that they are rushing to get married because they really do want to be intimate with the man they’re with, but they made a commitment to wait until marriage, I shudder. Great and wonderful and good for you; if you want to wait until marriage to be intimate, that’s amazing and wonderful and I support that every which way. However, I do not support the fact that you’re going to get married to someone just because you want to have sex – it’s not the best of the best reasons, you know?
You Want to Salvage the Relationship
When your relationship is on the rocks, you might feel the need to fix things. It’s natural when you love someone, but you cannot force someone to love you in return. And tricking someone into getting married or having a baby or whatever so many people seem to do these days just to save the relationship is not a good idea. Most of those relationships aren’t saved; they’re the same at the end of the day, they’re just legally married and now there are kids suffering through the misery and unhappiness. Wouldn’t it be far better to just let it run its course and then marry someone who wants to marry you?
Photo by Christopher Furlong/Getty Images