Grayson
Many people say family bonds are unbreakable. But if history serves as right, it isn’t always true, as many children cut off their parents without explanation in adulthood. While this can be shocking and distressing, this action usually has valid reasons. This piece highlights 15 reasons that estranged parents can understand and possibly find ways to restore communication.
Unresolved Childhood Trauma
Trauma can stem from physical, emotional, or verbal abuse and many other factors. It’s hard for many adults who went through any abuse to keep a relationship with the parent who inflicted this trauma on them or who failed to protect them from it. This means that they may keep a distance to avoid reopening closed wounds.
Boundary Issues
As adulthood approaches, people often establish new boundaries to protect their time, space, and emotional health. Some parents may not respect these boundaries and treat them like they are still under their control or care. This lack of respect for boundaries can undermine a person’s autonomy once they reach maturity.
Diverging Values
Grown children may develop values, beliefs, or lifestyles that differ significantly from their parents. These differences can lead to friction, especially if the parent is unwilling to accept or respect their adult child’s choices. Religious beliefs, political views, or career choices can become flashpoints for conflict and arguments the child doesn’t want to get into.
Parental Expectations
Parents may become unrealistic or unyielding in their hopes for their kids, which can cause unnecessary stress and resentment. If adults feel constantly pressured to meet parental expectations, they may begin to distance themselves to escape the pressure and live their own lives without judgment or control.
Mental Health Struggles
Depression, anxiety, or personality disorders can complicate parent-child relationships even in adulthood. These conditions can also make it difficult for an adult child to maintain contact with their parents. It might cause the child to withdraw to deal with their challenges. Sometimes, the child might even perceive their parents as contributing to their struggles.
Addiction
If an adult or their parent has an addiction, it can create an environment that is difficult to live in. The adult child may ghost their parents to save themselves from the chaos associated with addiction. Or it could be that their habit has made them sever ties with those who may challenge their behavior.
Romantic Relationships
An adult child may need to prioritize their romantic relationship over their maternal one, mainly if conflicts exist between their partner and parents. It may not always be the child’s decision to ghost their parents, but they may do it if their partner gives them good reason to do so.
Influence of In-Laws
Conflicts with in-laws can strain the relationship between a child and their parents. If the in-laws are more supportive, understanding, or aligned with the child’s values, they might gravitate towards them, at times at the expense of their relationship with their parents. In some cases, their partner’s parents may actively encourage the estrangement.
Financial Disputes
Money is responsible for many conflicts within families. Family members disagree over loans, inheritances, or financial support, which can bring about deep-seated resentment. When a child feels taken advantage of, unfairly treated, or pressured financially, they may cut ties to avoid more disputes or protect their financial independence.
Desire for Independence
As adults, people may establish their identities separate from their parents. The desire for independence can sometimes lead to conscious or unconscious distancing from parents, particularly if the parent struggles to let go. Children may need to assert their autonomy and, while doing so, gradually or abruptly cease contact.
Feeling Unsupported
Resentment for parents may also stem from a child feeling their parents were indifferent, neglectful, or absent when they were most needed. They need support during critical moments, such as a personal crisis, a major life event, or a transition period, and not getting it can make them not want to have their parents around anymore.
Sibling Rivalry
Parents sometimes play a role in sibling rivalry, which is just one aspect of this problem. The other is where a parent always supports the other siblings in rivalries. Cutting off parents here may be to prevent further rivalry or to leave them in the hands of the sibling they usually favor.
Miscommunication or Misunderstanding
Sometimes, just one major misunderstanding can cause a breakdown in a parent-child relationship. If the issue is not addressed or resolved, the child may withdraw to avoid further conflict. Miscommunication can also make them feel misunderstood, undervalued, or disrespected, and the child can sever ties rather than confront the ongoing issues.
Crisis or Stress
When a child feels overwhelmed by a job loss, divorce, or health issue, they may stay away from their parents as a coping mechanism. It’s a vulnerable time for them, and they may not want to experience judgment or pity. The plan may be temporary, but it could last longer than planned.
Past Betrayal or Broken Trust
Betrayal is the enemy of trust, and repairing broken trust is not a walk in the park. There are many ways a parent can betray their child, including infidelity, breaking promises, and sharing private information. To save themselves from further betrayal, children may ghost their parents.
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