Stop Publicizing Your Parenting on Facebook!

Parenting; it’s the same concept with a completely different perspective. What do I mean? I mean that all parents have the same general goal in mind; keep kids alive, healthy, relatively happy and turn them into good, successful people. Now, those individual things have different meanings to all people. For some, success is a general concept of growing up into a person who is happy and well-adjusted and able to live their dreams. For others, it means something more along the lines of monetary value. For all parents, however, the goal is to raise kids that love you that turn into good people (who will eventually take care of you when you’re back on diapers – payback, babies). The end result is the same, but the road to get there is not always the same. Much like we all have our favorite route home, we all have parenting preferences we prefer over others. That doesn’t make me a better parent than you because my kids sleep in their own rooms, through the night and don’t give us any issues at bedtime and it doesn’t make you a better parent than men that you breastfed for two years to my 2 months. We are all just trying to get through each day and do it as well as we can.

But for some moms, that’s not the end of the day. Some parents might intend to show off their parenting skills and others might not intend to do anything other than share their parenting skills (ie – things they’ve learned that they think might help someone else looking for a solution) but publicizing your parenting on Facebook is just a bad idea all around. And I’ll tell you why; as a mother of four, I’ve been degraded, berated and told that I’m a bad mom because of what I post on Facebook. My husband and I have four kids – our youngest a set of twins that just turned 1. People told us for months before they were born that they would be the most difficult challenge we’ve ever faced, that we would never leave the house again and that life as we know it would be over.

Well, guess what? We don’t think they’re difficult at all. In fact, they’re the easiest babies that ever existed. They’ve been on the same sleeping and feeding schedule since the day they were born. They go to bed and sleep all night and have since before they were a month old. They nap together, they’re happy, they’re smiley, and they adjust and enjoy life wherever we are. But apparently posting things about how easy the babies are and how grateful we are that they don’t challenge us like we thought they would makes people think that I’m telling them I’m a superior mother. I am not. I’m posting it because I’m darn proud of my kids (and beyond grateful that they’re nowhere near as difficult as people said they’d be). But the fact that I have four kids and that I’m vain enough to wake up early every day and do my hair and makeup (go ahead, but I’m telling you that I’m a much happier, much more productive person when I feel good about myself each day) and like to wear dresses makes me “perfect.”

Let’s get something straight; I’m FAR from perfect. I can’t even see the sign to this alleged perfect. I’m not perfect. I’m impatient, I’m high-strung at times, I’m a perfectionist, I’m a neat-freak, I’m a terrible cook, I hate mess, I am easily thrown if I’m not on my schedule, and I’m a coffee and wine-aholic. I’m not perfect. I raise my voice at my kids. They call me the meanest mommy ever about once a week (not going to lie, that makes me feel as if I’m doing my job pretty well) and sometimes I’m so lazy when my husband gets home from work that I don’t change a single diaper or do anything “mom” related the rest of the night other than the fun stuff like playing with the kids. Perfect, I am not.

But the moral of the story is that my lack of complaints about things that don’t seem complaint-worthy, my upbeat and positive attitude and my ‘perfect’ appearance (Just so you know, I don’t feel perfect, just good) make people think that I’m better than them, and that’s because that’s how I publicize myself on Facebook. It’s not my intent to make other moms feel insecure, and it does bother me when they tell me that’s what I do. I never want another mom to feel insecure. We are all doing the best we can on different levels, in different manners, and at a different time. I have four kids; I’m used to chaos, and that should not make a brand new first-time mom feel insecure. I didn’t know what I was doing then, either. I still don’t, but it’s a lot easier.

Now, let me tell you why we need to stop publicizing our parenting on Facebook.

We’re Mom-Shaming

When I brag about my kids all sleeping through the night almost right away on Facebook, I’m not doing it to make other moms feel insecure. I’m doing it because OMG MY KIDS ARE SLEEPING THROUGH THE NIGHT and I don’t have to feel like a zombie (and in reality, we all do this when it happens, so what difference does it make if it’s at 3 weeks or 3 years?). I’m excited. But it makes other moms with kids not sleeping through the night at 3 months or at 6 months or at 2 years feel as if they’re doing something wrong and I’m pointing that out. Not my intention, but that’s the perception.

We’re Making Others Question Their Parenting

At the end of the day, a happy, loved, healthy child is all we can ask for. There are some days I collapse after bedtime and toast my husband with a resounding, “Four kids alive and well at this moment in time is HUGE, so cheers to me since there were a few moments in time in which I didn’t think that was a possibility today.” No one should question their own parenting because of the rest of us publicizing ours like it’s the only way around. If you get through the day pretty much intact, all is well.

We’re Losing Friends

It’s true. I’m a mom and I have deleted a number of people from my page for being overly annoying. It’s your page and I’m all about posting whatever you want, but if you feel the constant need to get online and tell other people they are doing the wrong thing for supplementing at your doctor’s orders or not encapsulating and eating your placenta or getting an epidural (because giving birth is slightly uncomfortable, after all) 14 times a day, I don’t have time for that. And neither does anyone else. Some of us like our epidural, mmkay?

We’re Annoying

We are. Parents, in general, are annoying. We post too many pictures, we give too much advice, and we become those people. We are boring, annoying and kind of crazy. Just sayin’.

We’re Creating Competition that Doesn’t Belong

The mom competition kills me, and I hate it. I don’t care that someone else does ABC or XYZ. You know what I care about? I care about seeing your kids happy and healthy and living in a household will parents that love them. I don’t care if they sleep in your bed (I mean, I’m so glad mine don’t, but yours doing it doesn’t bother me in the least) or you nurse until you are 89. I just don’t care. But some people don’t have the confidence level just yet not to feel that everything is not a competition. Some moms (most of us) question what we do on a daily basis, and we don’t need people turning parenting into a competition. It’s just not worth it.

We’re No Better than Anyone Else

Hey! Now we are talking. Guess what? I happen to think that I’m a pretty killer, amazing, superhero of a mom. I amaze myself (and I’m darn well not ashamed to say that) on a daily basis with all that I accomplish AND the fact that my kids live through the day. I’m not perfect, and I’m okay with that. Some days are a bit rough, and I’m okay with that (kidding! I hate that, but I’m realistic so I know it’ll happen). I’m not the same as you, and I’m okay with that. I’m me, and I’m super okay with that. But guess what? None of the above makes me a better mom than you. We are all the best mom in the world (most days) in the eyes of our kids, and that’s the only person (s) whose opinion matters in the least (even when they come home and tell you that so-and-so’s mom is way cooler than you because she lets them eat ice cream for breakfast…karma and cavities will get that mom).

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