So You are Becoming a Stepmom

So, you are becoming a stepmom.  More than likely, you have worked yourself through the phase where visions of happy, smiling family members sing and dance the days away and are realizing the reality of making this work is well, work.

Becoming a stepmom is a journey  through learning not only the logistics and careful balance required in a blended family but also a journey into yourself.  It can teach you things you never knew about yourself before marrying this wonderful man who comes with some adorable, if challenging counterparts.

The first step is to educate yourself.  Thankfully, there are many resources available today to help you on this road you are on.  A personal favorite book of mine is The Single Girl’s Guide to Marrying a Man, His Kids, and His Ex-Wife: Becoming A Stepmother With Humor And Grace by Sally Bjornsen.  Reading this book is like chatting with a close girlfriend over coffee.  It is very helpful and validates all the feelings you are experiencing.  There are also many websites you can use to help yourself and your family adjust to this new shift in your lives.

Secondly, give yourself the gift of grace to be the stepmom you want to be.  Don’t expect yourself to feel like your stepchildren’s mother; you aren’t.  They have a mom already.  Be you.  You are perfect exactly in the position you are in, that of a stepmom.  Think of yourself as an extra person who can love them and help in them become wonderful people.

Lastly, and most importantly, nurture your marriage.  Never lose sight of the fact that the reason these children are in your lives is because you fell head over heels in love with your husband.  Love for the children will grow, but love for the husband must be your first priority.  Make your marriage a priority and the rest will come.  After all, the best thing you can do for the children he brought into your marriage is to make your home a safe, stable place to be and that begins with the two of you.