
Dear Parent Iām Going to Assume Means Well because the Alternative is that You are Just a Jerk Who Just Tried to Discipline my Child,
Unless my child is in imminent danger and you are yelling for her to stop running into traffic as a bus barrels down on her as you scream, āNO! Get back here right now! Stop it right now!ā in order to save her life, or the life of another child is in danger thanks to her behavior and you are screaming, āDo not push that child off the edge of the stairs!ā in an effort to save the other childās life, do not dare discipline my child in front of me. Itās inappropriate, and thatās just how it is. I am a firm believer in disciplining my child when he or she is doing something wrong, but Iām not down with you doing the same while I stand right here.
Hereās the deal; we are all different. Perhaps Iām okay with my child doing what sheās doing, and that is why Iām not disciplining her. Perhaps Iām not ignoring her and unaware of her actions; perhaps what you are so offended by is just fine by me. The thing is that you just donāt know, and if Iām standing right there watching and not disciplining her, chances are good I donāt want you to step in and handle the situation for me.
Listen ā I know that sometimes there are situations in life that require you intervene and discipline my children on my behalf when I am standing right there in front of you. Perhaps that situation occurs when my child is endangering the life of another, her own life or we are in your home and she is breaking one of your rules. Even then, however, Iād prefer you simply say to me, āMay I ask your daughter to please take her cup back into the kitchen? Since we have white carpet and donāt allow our kids in the living room with their cups, Iād like to enforce that rule,ā to which I will happily reply, āPlease, go ahead,ā and all will be well. In fact, I donāt mind you saying something to my kids about the rules in your home at any time so long as youāre not sticking her in time out for breaking them unknowingly, you know?
I also have no problem with babysitters and teachers and coaches disciplining my kids when they break the rules. However, when I am standing right there, please do not discipline my child. If you honestly believe that I am not aware of a situation, please say something to me such as, āYour daughter just dumped a bucket of sand on my daughterās head and sheās very upset,ā and I will then thank you for letting me know and handle the situation myself. However, donāt let me catch you lecturing my child on appropriate behavior when Iām right there and completely clueless as to what is happening.
You see, I deal with this a lot. There is a certain family member in my life that has no boundaries whatsoever when it comes to disciplining my children. This person does not always agree with my particular method of parenting and will actually interrupt me as I am speaking to my child about her behavior and starting lecturing her or even attempt to send her to time out ā and it makes me nuts. This person has been asked time and time again to stop, but it never works. I was even made aware recently that she actually spanked one of my children at one point ā something we do not do, do not believe in and will not resort to (hey, to each his own).
I was furious. Iām all about her being in charge when we are not here and sheās in our home caring for our kids, but I am not all right with her putting her hands on my children and I am not all right with her taking discipline into her own hands when Iām already handling it. As a parent, itās my firm belief that it is my job to discipline my child; not yours.
So to those of you that feel the overwhelming need to impose your parenting beliefs on my kids as I stand right there watching; give it a rest. Iām not hating on you. Iām just saying that Iām not all right with that. I like to think that you have my best interests and the best interests of my child at heart and you are doing what you feel is right, but itās not right. Itās not right unless you are her primary caregiver in my absence or she is endangering a life.
On that same note, when your kids are in my house and my kids come out of their bedrooms to tell me that your kids are disobeying some of the most basic and most amazing rules ā like no drawing on the walls with markers ā and I go in there to make them stop, perhaps you might want to follow and handle that situation. I feel quite awkward in my own home when another child is doing something of this nature when Iām clearly upset about and you donāt seem to think that itās a big deal. Am I to assume that your kids are allowed to use markers on the walls in their own home, and itās no big deal whatsoever?
You see, I like to put myself in the shoes of others before I judge, and I often see situations from both sides. When my kid is misbehaving at your home, I know itās hard not to want to say something to them, but itās also inappropriate when their parent is present. If you do have an issue, speak to the parent and let them handle it. Put yourself in my shoes and ask yourself if you would love to find me disciplining your kids in my house with you right there.
You wouldnāt; I know this. Remember, friends; discipline someoneās child only if itās a matter of life or death or mom and dad left you in charge. Thanks and thatās really all.
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