Tiffany Raiford
Becoming a mother changed me; a lot. I didn’t think it would. I said it wouldn’t (file that under “promises I made to myself before kids that I did not keep” please), but it did. I changed, and I really like myself now that I’m a mom. I’ve been a mom for 7 years this past Friday. I have a 7-year-old daughter, a 4-year-old daughter and I have 16-month-old boy/girl twins. My kids rock, and they are super cool. Don’t get me wrong; they’re royal monsters at times, but mostly they’re pretty cool. We all have our moments, right? Becoming a mom changed me for the better, and I like to think I was already all right. My husband and I were 25 and 26. We’d been married four years when we made the decision to start a family. We were educated, we’d already built a house, we had great careers. We were intelligent and driven, and we took great pride in accomplishing the things on our bucket list and in the order we felt was right for our family.
We didn’t think that there was much in our lives that would change when we had kids, because we felt we were already together. But even then, a lot changed in my life. And there are even more things that change in other people’s lives depending on their personal circumstances. Becoming a parent changes you, and there are just some things you will learn very quickly you no longer have the time, energy and desire to put up with once you have a little tiny human that relies 100% on you. Read on to find out the 10 things you need not put up with when you become a parent.
Not being where you want in life
You might think that you have forever to get where you want to be and to ‘make it’ in life, but you don’t. You have right now. You have this moment. This changed for me when I had my oldest daughter. I was happy with my life, but it wasn’t my dream. I didn’t love working for someone else. I decided to be a mom; stay home with my daughter. My husband was happy to support us and we were happy to let him. It didn’t take me long to realize that I wanted to live my life the way I wanted to live it, and I wanted to chase the dreams I’d had my entire life. Why not now? I did it, and 7 years later I’m where I want to be and I’m loving every second of it. I’m proud to be in control of my own life, and I’m proud that I show my kids daily that I can be present in their lives, run a successful business and realize all my dreams.
People who don’t treat you well
There are always people in life who treat you poorly. Do you want to set this example for your kids? Did I want my daughter to look at me and say, “My parents put up with mistreatment from others, so I guess I have to, too,”? No. It’s time to stop putting up with that.
Unhappiness
Being a parent is not about being unhappy. It shouldn’t be; it should be about being happy. If you’re not happy when you have kids, change it. Do it. Do what it takes. You are in control of your own life, and you can change it. Trust me.
Selfishness
It’s okay to be selfish, you know. I’m selfish. I like to be a little selfish because it makes me happy. It makes me happy to have good hair, and great shoes and makeup on. It makes me happy, and when I’m happy I’m a much better mom to my kids because my confidence is there. Be selfish sometimes, but don’t put up with selfish people who bring little to your life.
Fair weather friends
Everyone has them, but sometimes you have to take the time to pick them out and get rid of them when you have kids. You don’t have much time to yourself anymore, so stop surrounding yourself with people who are only there for you when it is convenient for them and make time for those who really are important to you and you to them.
Toxic relationships
They’re not good for you, regardless. However, they certainly are not good for your kids to witness. If you have toxic relationships in your life, get rid of them. Your kids do not need to see that kind of personality in their lives.
Petty competition
I once had an acquaintance that wanted to turn everything into a competition with me. She has her own very nice life and a lovely daughter, but she treated everything as a competition in our friendship and it was exhausting. It took me a while to realize that perhaps her insecurities are so loud she couldn’t see past them. She had a very big need for attention, for people to like her and to impress people, and she went about it in a way that was a big turn-off. I hope she has since found happiness and has gotten over her insecurities and no longer cares what others think, but I don’t know. I had to get rid of her from my life, because I certainly believe her own daughter will pick up on those habits, and I don’t want my daughters picking up on those habits.
Caring what other people think
Really, what other people think of us is none of our business. Additionally, I like to think that most people don’t actually think much about others. So why care so much? If you are happy with you, that’s all that matters.
Negativity
To live a happy life, one needs positivity and happiness. With negativity, that’s not possible. Let’s get over it and move on. Stop putting up with negativity.
Not being in control of your own life
As a parent, you need to be in control of your own life. You need to be in control of your own future, your own happiness and your own successes. You own your life, so really go out and own it. Stop putting up with anything less than being in full control of your own life.
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