The Absolute, Dumbest Things My Kids Have Fought About


My kids have to wake up at 7:30 am so we can leave by 8:30 am to get the two oldest to school on time. It shouldn’t take an hour to get them ready, but I also have 18-month-old twins and my husband leaves for work at 6:45 am, so it’s just me and five bodies to dress and get into the car every single day. Still, it shouldn’t take that long to feed and dress them, since two are old enough to dress themselves, correct?

It does; because my kids are not morning people, and they like to this little thing called argue. They argue about everything. Not with me, but with one another. It’s kind of hilarious when I’m in a good mood and we’re not already running late. When we are running late, however, it’s not my favorite. Their arguments, at that point, seem even more absolutely ridiculous than ever. And trust me when I say that what they have to argue about is dumb, dumb, dumb. For being 7 and 4.5, they’re really annoying sometimes.

Fortunately for me, it’s usually just the mornings that they argue. But they’re such non-morning people that they come up with the most random, most annoying and most absolutely stupid things to fight with one another about. They’re not arguing with me, but they’re still making me crazy. Parents who think that you’re all alone with the pettiest and most annoying kids; you’re not. This is just a small example of what my kids find to argue about.

She walked past my room!

So, in our house, our kids have no choice but to walk past one another’s rooms. They have their own little ‘wing’ off the family room that has a sliding pocket door that opens up into their hallway. Their bedroom doors line the hallway, as do bathroom doors. It’s impossible not to walk past someone else’s room. However, at 8 am, this is the worst thing a sibling can do. Ever.


I mean, listen; I’m fine with this. But it usually happens that one is talking to me, maybe telling me about what she’s looking forward to at school or asking me a question about whatever and the other is screaming for her to stop talking. My four-year-old has this opinion that people should not be permitted to speak until about 9 am. I’m with her, but reality says otherwise.

Charlotte is MY baby!

Charlotte is one half our 18-month-old twins, and the girls are angry that she’s the only girl. They both want a sister and are angry that we were only able to give them one. They have forgotten that they are also sisters. They’re very pretty, thank goodness.

I don’t want Carter near me!

Carter is the other half of our twins, and he’s the poor soul who has the terrible luck of being not only the baby of the family, but the only little boy. And the girls hate that. They do not like having a brother (they love him, but they don’t like him near them). They like to argue over who he is closer to in the morning and fight about it.

That Elsa is MINE!

Elsa and Elsa look exactly alike because they are the exact same toy. However, our girls will argue, fight and scream over which one is theirs, even though they are identical. It’s the most annoying thing I have to listen to in the morning.

I want to get into the car first!

I drive a big SUV. There are two doors in the back. They could get in at the same time from opposite sides, take turns or just not freaking care who gets in first since no one is going anywhere until I’m in the car and I can’t leave them home alone, so I’m waiting on everyone.

I want to pick a song first!

I want to pick the song we listen to first, too, you know. But my kids think that they have the God-given right to control the radio when we are in the car. So this means listening to Addison say, “I want to listen to ‘Shake it Off,” and hearing Ava scream, “NO ADDY! It’s MY TURN!” and then back and forth for a few minutes before Addison, being the oldest, finally concedes and let’s Ava choose.

“Mommy, I want ‘Shake it Off’.” Are you kidding me?

I want pancakes for breakfast, not you!

For some reason, our kids think that only one child should be allowed to have breakfast and that the other should have to eat something different. I will be making pancakes for Ava when Addison will come into the kitchen, find her seat at the bar and also ask for pancakes. “NO! I want pancakes! Not you!” “Ava, I can have pancakes, too, you know,” Addison will say.

Tears. Crying. Screaming. Fits.

“Look, Addison! My pancake looks like a circle,” she says while suddenly giggling. OMG.

Don’t LOOK at me!

Our four-year-old; she does not like it when people look at her unless she invites them to stare. If our older daughter looks at her or one of the twins looks at her without her permission, she becomes enraged at times. It’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard in my life, and it’s my daily reality. She’s cute, she needs to get used to it.

She put her shoes on before I put mine on and she’s faster than me! (Crying)

All right, all right; this one is my fault. It turns out that they only way I can get anyone to put their stupid shoes on in a timely fashion is by taunting them and telling them that they can’t do it faster than their sister. This prompts a race, a loser and a winner. The winner gloats, the loser cries. There is yelling and screaming all the way to the car.

But, their shoes are on, they’re getting in the car (arguing over who gets to go first) and we are out the door on time. So really, I choose to put this one in the parenting win category.

Photo by Getty Images


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