The 10 Commandments of Shopping at Buy Buy Baby

Baby stores are dangerous locations. Not only are they filled with all the baby stuff, they also have a lot of babies out and about doing their shopping. It’s a place in which you will find baby fever. It is the place you will find that you cannot control yourself. It is the place in which you will gladly spend your entire retirement savings so that you can have all the adorable, cute and amazing little things that are there. But it’s also a place that can be dangerous; and you have to watch out. For one, you don’t want to buy everything and spend your mortgage on new baby items (it’s hard, I know). Secondly, there is never a good reason to enter a store like this if you have the baby fever. Stay home and recuperate; recover and stay out of the danger zone. And please, ladies; consider the 10 commandments of shopping at Buy Buy Baby before you enter the store. It might just save your life.

Thou shall not buy all the baby clothes

Put them down. Now. You cannot buy all the clothes. The baby will grow so quickly he or she will never wear them all. Put them down. Choose just a few. Let the people in your life buy the rest. Stop it, now. You do not need to do this. Put down the clothes and think about what you are doing. There is so much more to life than adorable baby clothes. Please, we are begging you.

Thou shall not stand in the center of the aisle

A store like this is usually filled with pregnant women and those with strollers and large carts; none of which can maneuver themselves around your cart parked in the center of the aisle while you browse 10 feet away. Move it, or someone else will move it for you – and maybe help themselves to that high-resolution monitor you grabbed when it was the last one on the shelf. It’s called karma.

Thou shall not block the entrance to a lane

Think about it, people. All those hormonal pregnant women with swollen feet walking around, looking for something so that they can go home and rest; they’re not looking for your shenanigans. One might actually knock you down and throw your cart content’s at you. I don’t know from experience or anything, I promise.

Thou shall not use any available double carts for single babies

I must apologize for doing this in the past. Not all stores have them, but sometimes you will find one. And your single baby will want to ride in it. But please, for those of us with twins who need a place to sit, do not use these. It’s designed for those with multiple children – and not even just multiples – so please make this a priority.

Thou shall not stop mothers of multiples and carry on a conversation

Those of us with twins are cursed with the cuteness we have to live with. Love it and hate it; because everyone wants to stop us. Nod, smile and comment as you walk by. That’s cool. But please do not stop and ask us if they are twins, if they are identical, if they are ‘natural’, if we knew we were having twins, if they run in our family and how we tell them apart (especially to those of us with boy/girl twins, please). You are not the first person to stop and ask. We’ve been in here for wipes, which should have taken less than 5 minutes, for two hours now.

Thou shall not argue with the cashier for hours

We all love a good deal, but if the item rings up for one penny more than you thought it would be, move on. I’ll give you the penny. Those of us with kids in the store with us just want to go. Either our kids are already acting up or we are losing precious well-behaved time. Please, just argue only about things that matter.

Thou shall not park in two spots at once

No one likes a crappy parker, and I am a crappy parker. I can assure you that nothing is more annoying than someone that parks like an idiot and effects traffic all over the parking lot. Don’t do it. Refrain, please. You know you want to just park correctly so that all the expectant mothers can get in and out of their vehicles without experiencing a surge of hormonal anger.

Thou shall not park an empty cart in an empty parking space

It’s rude, people. It’s rude. Also, let’s just take a second to consider that maybe you do have to walk a little further than you might want to the nearest cart return, but it won’t kill you. It will do quite the opposite as a matter of fact. It’s called exercise, and it is really awesome for you. Try it. I promise you that you might even like it.

Thou shall not allow your older children to touch babies in strollers

Why people think that it is acceptable for their older kids to reach into a car seat that’s tucked securely into a stroller is really quite strange to me. It’s not all right. It’s just not. These are babies. They should not have dirty hands all over them. Have some respect for the people with the babies, please.

Thou shall not ever ask another woman if she is pregnant unless you see a baby falling out of her hoo-ha

I know. I know it’s difficult for some people to not say a word about another pregnant woman, but don’t. Please do not. She probably doesn’t want to hear it. Maybe she does. I don’t know. But there is always a chance she’s not even pregnant in the first place. If you think that it’s pretty obvious in the first place, please allow me to tell you that you are wrong. Sometimes a very pregnant woman is not a very pregnant woman. She’s just fat; and she won’t like it.

Photo by Jason Kempin/Getty Images