10 Hurtful Statements to Avoid in Your Marriage

In any marriage, communication takes center stage in making it stable, healthy, and loving. Words are so powerful that they can build or break the bond between spouses; you must avoid hurtful statements as they can leave deep emotional scars. Disagreements and conflicts are inevitable, but you must be mindful of how you express yourself during such times. Some statements can damage your spouse’s pride, trust, and emotional well-being. Let’s look at ten of these hurtful statements to avoid in relationships and why they shouldn’t be casually said.

“You always/never do [something]”

“Always” and “never” are absolutes and usually an unfair exaggeration. These statements can make your partner feel unjustly criticized and misunderstood. They can also create a defensive atmosphere, where your partner may become more concerned with disproving the exaggeration instead of focusing on resolving the issue. This can hinder effective communication and problem-solving in the relationship.

“You’re just like your [family member with negative trait].”

Comparing your partner to a disliked family member does two things: it insults them by associating them with a person they may have issues with and dismisses their individuality. Both cases are highly hurtful and can cause resentment and anger as the statement attacks their character and identity.

“I wish I had married someone else.”

To suggest that you regret the marriage is not funny. What makes it incredibly painful to hear is the implication that they are not good enough or that the relationship is a mistake. Besides severely damaging their self-esteem, it can make them feel unwanted and unloved. Plus, it undermines the commitment and effort both partners have invested in the relationship and will result in a breakdown in trust and emotional intimacy.

“You’re overreacting.”

If you tell your partner they are overreacting, you invalidate their feelings and experiences. You shouldn’t do this because it makes them feel dismissed and unheard, which may result in frustration and a sense of isolation. When one partner minimizes the other’s emotions, it discourages open communication and can create a barrier to resolving underlying issues. It also signals a lack of empathy and understanding.

“I can’t stand being around you.”

A strong aversion towards your partner is a no-no. It rejects their presence and can make them feel profoundly unloved and unwanted. Saying this can lead to loneliness and despair, as it attacks the core of the relationship—spending time together. Over time, such statements can erode the emotional connection and make it hard to rebuild closeness.

“Why can’t you be more like [someone else]?”

Comparing your partner unfavorably to another person is one way to build feelings of inadequacy and jealousy. You’re indirectly saying that your partner is not good enough and that you desire them to be someone they are not. It’s an attack on their self-worth and a road to resentment and insecurity. Comparisons like this can undermine the unique strengths and qualities your partner blesses the relationship with and make you seem unappreciative.

“I don’t care what you think.”

This statement dismisses your partner’s opinions and makes them feel unimportant and disrespected. As you suggest a lack of interest in their perspective, you hinder open communication. When one partner feels that their thoughts and feelings are disregarded, it causes frustration, anger, and emotional distance. This lack of respect can make the idea of mutual understanding invisible in the relationship.

“You’re useless.”

Here, you are directly insulting your partner’s abilities or contributions and shooting at their self-esteem and worth. You’re trashing their competence and value, and it can send your partner into depression. Such criticism can create a toxic environment where your partner feels constantly judged and belittled. When it affects their confidence, their willingness to participate fully in the relationship will take a hit, too.

“I never loved you.”

When you make this statement, it calls into question the entire basis of your relationship, which is devastating. You’re implying that the love and commitment your partner believed in were false, and this can harm their sense of security and trust. The emotional damage caused by this statement can be long-lasting as it can’t go away just because you apologize.

“I want a divorce.”

Two things are born from threatening divorce during arguments: fear and insecurity. It paints the relationship as unstable and shows that there is a constant risk of its ending. This can make your partner feel emotionally unsafe and anxious about the future. Even if said in the heat of the moment, this can undermine the commitment in the marriage. It can also make resolving conflicts more difficult, as the threat of divorce overshadows the efforts to work through issues together.