We all get angry from time to time; it’s inevitable. You can’t go through life without someone, or something, ticking you off and making you feel angry, upset, annoyed, or betrayed. When this happens, you deal with it. However, the way you deal with it is important. While you won’t always be able to handle your anger with elegance and class (I don’t think there’s anything wrong with forgoing the class and elegance when someone hurts your kids or loved ones, you know?) you should at least attempt to control your rage and work through your anger the healthy way. Here are a few of the most common ways people handle anger, and how you can work through them.
If you are reactive, you respond immediately. Your initial reaction is to jump up and get pissed right at the moment. This is problematic because it doesn’t allow you to see things clearly and from every angle. It also doesn’t give you the chance to think about the best way to handle the situation.
Breathe. Think about what you want to say and formulate a plan before you blow up.
Do you let your anger stew and make snide remarks about the person you are angry with? Do you use digs instead of just confronting her? If so, you are passive-aggressive. You may not care for confrontation, but you also don’t want people getting away with being rude to you.
Rehearse what you want to say to your reflection. You are entitled to be angry when the emotion is warranted, and not saying anything makes you a doormat. Let your feelings be known, but make sure you do it in a way that’s comfortable for you.
If you don’t react at all to your anger, then you are avoidant. However, you can’t just ignore your feelings when you’re that upset. You need to let people know how you feel. Living in silent anger causes health problems such as heart disease and other stress related problems.
Practice being firm and face your fears; an avoidant personality often comes from a fear that you will ruin your relationships. Make yourself practice being angry and letting people know how you feel.