Four Times Being Selfish is the Best Option


The next two weeks cannot possibly pass quickly enough for my taste. In two weeks, my husband and I leave with our two favorite couples on a tropical paradise vacation – sans kiddos. That’s right; no kids allowed. We do it a few times a year, but usually just for a night or two and this trip is longer. I cannot wait to dig my feet into the white sand, sip libations day in and day out and finally get to wear white without worrying that someone will get snot, boogers, fingerprints, or fruit all over me. It also helps that we are two weeks into summer vacation in our house, and that means I’m home with all four kids all day long.

It’s as much fun as it sounds, too. I cannot wait for our vacation. I really cannot wait for a little break from motherhood. As I type, it’s 4 pm. My oldest daughter had basketball camp for the third day today, which means I had to get all the kids up, fed and out of the house by 8:30 am, take the twins (they’re two) out of the car in the 100% humidity and take her all the way into the gym, come back to the car with them and my 5-year-old and then head to the local YMCA. Did I have time to work out today? No; but an hour of free babysitting while I sweat away my annoyance is too good to pass up.

Then it was home for snack and nap time, then it was wake everyone up and get them back in the car to pick her up at three and repeat the in and out of the car with four kids process. Now we are home for the next hour until we have to leave to go back to the Y so our oldest girls can go to swimming lessons and I can meet my husband in the gym for another 45-minute sweat sesh.

Did I mention my two-year-old daughter is currently laying on her stomach on my office floor next to my desk screaming at the top of her lungs because I wouldn’t let her take my iPad Pro off my desk and play with it? She’s been at it for a good 5 minutes now. I’m ignoring her, but she’s stubborn.

Did I mention I cannot wait for vacation?

That leads me to what we are actually going to discuss aside from the fact that the twins clearly need to go to school a few hours a day so I can regain some of my sanity. We’ve been taking these vacations with our friends for years. We always stick to the same schedule, and we always do what the group decides to do, and we always come home exhausted, tired and a little bit regretful that we didn’t do what we wanted to do on vacation. We paid thousands of dollars for our hotel room, and we don’t want any regrets.

We’ve learned that as we get older, we have different priorities. At this point in our lives, we need to take care of us. Our friends only have two kids each, and they’re the same age or older than our oldest daughters. They have a lot more freedom than we do at the moment thanks to the fact that they don’t have 2-year-old twins. Their kids are easy, simple and they get a lot more rest than we do. So, we are going to be selfish on this trip – we aren’t doing what other people want to do just because. We are going to sleep in and lounge rather than setting an alarm and rushing to get ready to meet everyone for an early breakfast. We are going to go to the gym, and we are going back to our room after dinner so we can relax, rest and have some time to ourselves. We are going to enjoy ourselves.

Regrets are not fun, and we don’t want them so we are being selfish. That leads me to the fact that being selfish is not a bad thing, and we should all do it a bit more often. It doesn’t sound amazing, and it sounds, well, selfish. However, sometimes we need a bit of selfish in our lives so that we can be the best version of ourselves. Here’s when it is perfectly all right to be selfish.

When something makes you uncomfortable

If you feel uncomfortable about a situation, be selfish and say no. You don’t have to answer to anyone but yourself and your gut instinct.

When you don’t want to do something

You have a life of your own, and sometimes you want to do what you want to do. Your job is not to do what everyone else wants you to do. In that case, you can say no and make yourself happy.

When someone makes you unhappy

You don’t have to spend time with people in your life just because you feel obligated. When someone makes you unhappy or brings you down, feels toxic to your life or just makes you miserable, you can be selfish and choose to remove that person from your life.

When you need you time

Sometimes you just need time to yourself, and that’s all right. It doesn’t make you a bad mom or a bad wife or daughter or sister or friend. it makes you a human being who sometimes just wants everyone to go away for a while.

Being selfish is not a bad thing. Sometimes you have to do for you before others if you want to be able to provide others with the best of you. I know this; I need time from my kids sometimes, and I don’t feel guilty about that. if I don’t get a break, I am not the best version of myself. I need that time so that I can regroup and recharge and get back to my best self.

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