People ask me all the time how my husband and I have managed to stay so happy after 11 years together. The truth is, he’s just sexy and he feels the same way about me. Okay, so that’s not the entire truth, only part of it. The reason is that we knew from day one how the other felt about certain lifestyle issues and we didn’t end have to deal with those things later in our relationship. Somehow, on our first date at the age of 18, we managed to find out more about each other and our future together than many couples twice our age do after years of dating. We knew immediately we were perfect for one another, and a lot of it is because we had the four most important relationship conversations every couple should have, on our first date.
We both knew from the start that we are committed people, which is what we were both looking for. On our first date, we discussed everything from how much we both wanted to be the kind of people who never sit on separate couches as we get older, to how much we don’t want to be the couple who spends a lot of time apart. Of course, we weren’t a couple yet, but we talked about these things in our getting to know you conversation and it really helped cement our feelings for one another.
You may both be here right now, but you may both want different things. If you ask your man where he wants to spend his life and his answer is in the middle of Manhattan where the nightlife is banging and the alcohol is always flowing, and your idea of a life is in the ‘burbs raising a couple of kids with a picket fence and a little league team, your relationship might not work out. You need to know how you both envision the future if you want your relationship to work.
The number one cause of marital dispute is money, which means you need to be on the same page regarding finances before you get married or decide to have a future with a guy. Talk to him about his spending habits and his views on money before you take on his money issues.
Ladies, if you want kids and he doesn’t, he’s probably not going to change his mind. You’re only making things more difficult by thinking you can change him. If you want them, find a man who wants them to.
Having these talks before you get serious will help you decide if the guy you’re with is the guy you should stay with. It may also help you decide this guy is not for you, and that it’s time to move up and on.