15 Signs You Have Been ‘Parentified’ As A Child

Parentification is when a child takes on the role of an adult, often as a caretaker or mediator in the family. Sometimes kids carry these traits even into adulthood. How do you know if you have been parentified? Here are 15 signs that you might have been ‘parentified’ as a child.

Felt the need to be responsible

As a kid, did you ever feel like you were the one keeping things together at home? Maybe you were making sure bills got paid or that your siblings had their homework done. These are a lot for a lone child to handle. And it is not something you should have had to worry about.

Trouble with play or “letting loose”

Think back to your childhood. Were you able to just be a kid and play without a care in the world? Or, were you always thinking about what needed to be done next? If it is the latter, it is a sign you might have been parentified. You need to know that it is okay to let go and enjoy the moment. 

Like to feel in control

If you are used to always being the responsible one, it can be hard to let go and trust others to take the lead. But it is okay to share the load and not have to manage everything yourself. Trust me, it can be freeing. And you will find yourself enjoying your life more often. 

Pulled into arguments

Think if you were often resolving conflicts between parents by acting as a mediator. It is surely a role not suited for a child. It is important to remember that it is not your job to fix everything, and it is okay to step back and let adults handle their own issues.

Given inappropriate responsibilities

Were you asked to do things that were really meant for adults, like taking care of bills or making important family decisions? That is a heavy burden for a child to carry. If you have always taken on adult responsibilities at a young age, it can almost create a skewed sense of what is normal and expected of you. 

Often complimented for being “so good” and “so responsible”

You were often praised for your maturity or maybe how reliable you are. Of course, it feels good to be praised. But if it is always about how responsible you are, it can make you feel like your worth is tied to what you do for others. But that is not how it should be. Remember that you are valuable being you.

Self-reliance over trust

If you have been let down by adults in the past, it is natural to rely on yourself. You might even sometimes struggle to delegate tasks or rely on others for support. And it will end up isolating you​​. So, it is important to know that it is okay to trust others and ask for help when you need it. 

Don’t remember “being a kid”

If your childhood memories are more about responsibilities than fun and games, you probably have missed out on some important experiences as a child. Missing out on these typical childhood experiences makes you long for the lost innocence and a sense of regret for what you missed. But it is never too late to embrace your inner child and make time for play. 

Parents struggled with self-care

Did you always have to step in because your parents couldn’t take care of themselves? If yes, you have been parentified. You should have been the one receiving care, not the other way around. It is alright sometimes, but not always. This trait can even manifest in the later years as a tendency to always prioritize others over your own needs and well-being​​.

Often find yourself in caregiver roles

If you keep finding yourself in roles where you are taking care of others, it is probably a pattern you learned as a child. So naturally it will draw you to a tendency to attract relationships where you can continue this role, sometimes at the expense of your own needs. 

Caretaking feels good

Helping others can be rewarding, but if you are always putting others first, you forget to look after your own needs. Always remember that the satisfaction from it can be a double-edged sword. On one end, it provides you with a sense of purpose, but it also reinforces the belief that your value is tied to what you can do for others, rather than who you are​​.

Heightened empathy

Being empathetic is a wonderful trait, but not if you cannot focus on your needs. Because you had to take care of the people around you, it has given you a greater ability to empathize with others and connect on a much deeper level. It is important to balance caring for others with caring for yourself. 

Feel the need to be a peacemaker

You might often find yourself trying to smooth over conflicts and keep the peace, as you did in your family. The constant effort to maintain peace is exhausting and will most definitely prevent you from addressing your own needs and conflicts. It is important to recognize that it is okay to have and express your own opinions and feelings​​.

Feel efforts aren’t appreciated

Despite all your hard work and caregiving, you might feel that your efforts go unnoticed or unappreciated. The lack of recognition for your efforts can lead to feelings of resentment and undervaluation. It is important to seek validation from within and to surround yourself with people who appreciate and acknowledge your contributions​​.

Struggle with boundaries

You may have difficulty setting and maintaining boundaries, as you were often expected to put others needs before your own as a child. It is important to recognize that you have the right to say ‘no’ and to prioritize your own needs without feeling guilty or selfish​​. This can lead to feeling overwhelmed or taken advantage of in relationships.