Sonia
If you are a parent, caregiver, or educator, you must remember that a kid sees themselves from your eyes, and what you say can have a lifetime impact on their growth, personality, and behavior. Sometimes we say things without understanding their impact ourselves. Below are 15 phrases that you should not use with kids.
“Stop crying; it’s not a big deal.”
Telling your child to stop crying and that their feelings are unimportant is particularly damaging to their emotional growth. It communicates that your child’s emotions are worthless, and in the future, your child may suppress them. Instead, guide your child on why they feel down and assure them that crying is natural and that you have their back.
“You’re so smart!”
First, even though it can look like a compliment, such a phrase puts pressure on kids to always demonstrate how smart they are. Second, it can imply that intelligence is an inborn quality and cannot be changed. Praising children for their intelligence does not motivate them, whereas praising effort and hard work nurtures a growth mindset.
“Boys don’t cry.”
Such a phrase instills dangerous gender norms and teaches boys to refrain from expressing emotions, particularly vulnerability. It may lead to emotional repression and damage their capacity to develop healthy emotional capacity and coping skills. Remember, it is critical to allow children, irrespective of their gender, to express their emotions freely.
“You’re just like your [parent/sibling].”
Comparing a child to a family member can work to downplay the child’s identity, making them feel not accepted as a unique person with their own set of gifts and virtues. It may also create unnecessary competition and envy between kids. Instead, it is important to recognize the individuality of every child while praising their unique abilities and achievements.
“You’re being too sensitive.”
This might give the child a feeling that their emotions are too big or wrong. The child may, in the future, stop saying how they feel and will feel less comfortable sharing similar emotions in the future. Therefore, it would be best to say nothing and just help the kid identify and understand the feelings created in any particular situation.
“Because I said so.”
This phrase closes the conversation and does not reasonably and substantively justify the decision. Using it can cause the child frustration and resentment, as they do not see the value of their opinions and questions to parents. In its place, explain the basis of the decision; it is how children will learn to be respectful and cooperative in a relation.
“You always/never [do something].”
Avoid absolute statements. Statements like ‘you always´ or ‘you never´ can be demoralizing and exacerbate the issue since the child may feel as if they are being judged unfairly or that any efforts to alter are considered unnoticed. Instead, use specific examples and situations and then offer suggestions in a positive manner.
“Let me do it for you.”
If we constantly take over tasks for children without allowing them to attempt to do things themselves, it makes them believe that they are not fit for the task. When children are not allowed to do things by themselves, they develop a fear of trying anything new. This is why we should encourage children to try, even if they fail.
“You’re fine.”
Though this phrase might not cause psychological harm, it sometimes undermines the child’s feelings. Try to avoid this. It is easier to react normally to any situation, acknowledging the feelings and having sympathy. This will also help a child learn not to ignore the discomfort or pain and ask for help if necessary.
“You’re too young to understand.”
One should not forget that children are naturally curious and understand much more than you expect. Repetition of this phrase can kill interest. That is why you can simply answer clearly openly, and in their language. This will broaden the child’s horizons and foster a love of learning.
“Don’t be such a baby.”
This phrase may additionally shame the child from acknowledging their emotions and fears. It is necessary to comprehend their fear and offer help. If the kid is afraid of the dark, do not repeat, “Stop being a baby.” Instead, try to reassure the child and explain it is normal to be afraid.
“Hurry up, you’re always so slow.”
Children who are always rushed and judged for being slow suffer from unwarranted stress and constantly feel inadequate. Rather, support the child and assure them that taking their time is okay while urging completion rather than haste. It is important for them not to feel rushed into doing activities.
“Don’t talk to me with that tone.”
Teaching kids about respectful communication is undoubtedly necessary. Nevertheless, changing the tone alone, without understanding the cause, can seem humiliating. The most acceptable method, in this case, will be highlighting the cause provoking the emotion. An educational discussion about emotions and their source is necessary.
“You should be more like [other child].”
Comparing children to others can make them feel that they are not good enough, which can create feelings of jealousy or build a poor attitude toward oneself. Children need to be appreciated and accepted for who they are, instead of being compared to somebody else. This way, they will feel they are truly seen for their personalities and talents.
“You’re okay, that didn’t hurt.”
If you ignore a child’s pain or discomfort, the kid will begin to doubt their feelings and will no longer feel the need to seek your help. Once you recognize their feelings and provide them with proper care, they will have confidence in their perceptions and can turn to you for comfort and help.
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