Couples Advice: Keeping Your Arguments Clean

It doesn’t matter what anyone else tells you, every couple fights. There are arguments and disagreements in every single relationship. If someone tells you they don’t argue in their relationship, they either allow their partner to walk all over them or they’re still in the early stages of dating and haven’t yet cared enough one way or the other to disagree. All couples fight; but not all couples fight viciously. Here are three ways to keep your arguments clean.

Time It

Create a relationship rule that states you have approximately this much time to argue before it’s over and you agree to disagree. When you set a time limit for fighting, couples can enjoy more time getting along. For example, if you don’t set a time limit, you might argue over the same thing for hours. If you set a time limit, you know you have to come to some sort of agreement in this many minutes. It sounds weird, but it does help.

Don’t Be Defensive

The worst thing anyone can do in an argument is become defensive. Don’t do it. It will only escalate things and make them that much worse. Instead, be quiet and calm and curious. Ask why your partner feels this way instead of immediately defending the fact you think he’s wrong. It’s a great way to prevent yourselves from becoming too angry in the midst of a disagreement.


It’s one of the easiest things you can do, yet it’s one of the most difficult concepts for so many couples to grasp. Just because you may not agree on something doesn’t mean you can’t hear one another out and listen to what each other has to say. It helps when you both listen, because then you both understand where the other is coming from.


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