When you hold a grudge against someone you are actually hurting yourself the most by refusing to give forgiveness to another. The person you are holding a grudge against and are so angry at may even be unaware that you are angry with them at all. The only person you are hurting is yourself! Forgiveness is the only answer here.
Forgiveness can be very hard. I get that. But carrying anger, resentments, hatred and judgement is harder. It weighs you down and makes your life void of peace. If you offer it to the one who has wronged you then you can be free of that.
What are the steps to forgiveness? Forgiveness is actually a choice. You have to choose to release someone from your anger and hurt. If the person is someone you can talk to then you can call them or arrange to meet with them to tell them that you forgive them. When you do you will feel a weight off of your shoulders. Your heart will feel more free. That is what forgiveness gives back to you.
If you cannot talk to the person… if they are no longer living or refuse to meet with you, you can still give them the gift of forgiveness and in so doing, offer yourself the bigger gift. You can write them a letter to release all of your feelings and things that you would say if you could talk to them. You can burn the letter or rip it up when you are done. This helps you to also visualize that all of your bad feelings are being destroyed along with the letter.
Offering forgiveness to another doesn’t mean that you agree with what they did or that you don’t think it is wrong. It means that you are not going to hold that deed against them any longer and are freeing them from your hard feelings.