15 Things You Should Never Say To An Autistic Person

Communication is extremely important when communicating with individuals with autism spectrum disorder (ASD). You need to approach conversations with empathy, understanding, and respect. Here are 15 statements that should be avoided when talking to a person on the autism spectrum, along with detailed explanations for why these phrases can be hurtful and counterproductive.

“You don’t seem autistic.”

Autism is a multifaceted neurodevelopmental disorder known for its diverse array of behaviors and challenges. Assuming that all people with autism fit a specific stereotype or exhibit certain traits can be misleading and overlook the diversity within the autism community. So, please, don’t say that, even if you mean well.

“You’re just being difficult.”

Behavioral differences in individuals with autism often stem from unique processing styles and sensory sensitivities. Labeling their behavior as mere defiance or stubbornness overlooks the underlying reasons for their actions and invalidates their experiences. We need to understand that people with autism have a different way of processing information and might have unique communication styles that could lead to what others view as difficult behavior.

“Can’t you just try harder?

It’s not about laziness or lack of trying. People with autism often work incredibly hard to navigate daily life, which can be overwhelming and confusing due to sensory sensitivities, social challenges, and differences in communication styles. Instead of placing additional pressure on them, we should offer understanding, patience, and support. 

“You’re too high-functioning to understand.”

Labels like “high-functioning” and “low-functioning” don’t accurately reflect all the abilities and challenges people with autism experience. Remember, everyone with autism is unique, and dismissing someone’s struggles based on these labels is harmful and untrue. It’s important to understand that people with autism often work incredibly hard to navigate the world around them.

“You don’t look autistic.”

Autism is a developmental condition impacting a person’s ability to communicate, interact socially, and behave. Unlike physical disabilities with visible signs, autism is often termed “invisible” due to its less apparent symptoms. Importantly, autism exists on a spectrum, meaning individuals with autism display a wide variety of skills and difficulties.

“But you’re so smart.”

Intelligence does not correlate with a person’s experience with autism. While some individuals with autism might demonstrate exceptional abilities in certain areas, they may face significant challenges in other aspects of their lives. Focusing solely on their intellectual strength overlooks the complexities and unique encounters of individuals with autism.

“Everyone’s a little autistic sometimes.”

Equating typical quirks or behaviors with the lived experiences of individuals with autism belittles the authentic impact that autism can have on a person’s life. We need to understand and respect the distinct challenges that individuals with autism encounter to encourage understanding and support.

“You just need to socialize more.”

Social interactions can be difficult for autistic people. They often struggle to understand social cues, process information quickly, and manage sensory overload in social settings, leading to anxiety and discomfort. It’s important to approach social situations with patience and understanding, tailoring interactions to their individual needs. Pushing someone with autism into social situations without considering their comfort can be harmful.

“Have you tried [insert unproven treatment]?”

Promoting evidence-based treatments and support is crucial for individuals with autism. However, relying on unverified or untested interventions can be harmful and misleading. Individuals with autism deserve access to treatments and support grounded in scientific research and tailored to their specific needs. So, always prioritize evidence-based approaches that respect individual autonomy and well-being.

“Why can’t you make eye contact?”

Eye contact can cause distress and discomfort for individuals with autism due to sensory sensitivities or challenges with social communication. Pressuring someone to make eye contact disregards their unique needs and can heighten their anxiety in social interactions. Instead of forcing eye contact, find alternative ways of communication will work better for both parties.

“You’re overreacting.”

Dismissing someone’s feelings can be incredibly hurtful. You need to acknowledge and validate the emotions of people with autism, even if their experiences differ from what is considered “typical.” Everyone deserves to feel heard and understood. When we dismiss someone’s emotions, it can lead to feelings of isolation and loneliness. Instead, let’s create a supportive environment where everyone feels safe to express themselves openly.

“Just act normal.”

Autisic people have their own unique strengths and talents, and it’s important to accept and celebrate their differences. Encouraging neurodiversity and creating safe, welcoming spaces for individuals with autism is crucial. By recognizing and accommodating individual needs, we can work towards creating a much more inclusive and accepting world that honors the diverse abilities and talents of all individuals.

“You don’t need accommodations.”

Accommodations are very helpful for individuals with autism. By providing necessary support, we empower them to participate fully in their communities and reach their full potential. Denying accommodations can create barriers and hinder their progress. So, we need to recognize and provide the appropriate support for creating an inclusive and welcoming environment for everyone.

“You’re being too sensitive.”

Sensory processing can be challenging for many people with autism.They might be overly sensitive or less sensitive to sounds, lights, textures, or smells. Remember, understanding and supporting people with autism means paying attention to how they experience the world around them. 

“I wish you weren’t autistic.”

Expressing a desire for someone to be different, including wishing they were not autistic, is not only hurtful but also dismissive of their identity. Autism is a core part of who they are, and it’s essential to respect their unique experiences and perspectives.