Forget the national deficit and the fact that our nation’s debt is so substantial we can’t even count that high. Forget gun bans and illegal immigrants and welfare and healthcare and all the things wrong with this great nation. Forget the fact that our president is happy to interrupt weddings people paid tens of thousands of dollars to enjoy so that he can golf on his favorite courses; and forget things like terrorism and ISIS and the families losing loved ones who are fighting for our freedom in godforsaken countries in a world away. We have bigger issues to deal with in America; like people in yoga pants in public (arrest me now). Montana State Representative David Moore has decided it’s time for America to focus on the real problem; indecent exposure by yoga pant. And while I’m not arguing that there are some people who have no business wearing yoga pants anywhere but yoga (come on now; you’re all thinking of that photo circulating the internet of the woman in nude yoga pants that make her look totally naked in the supermarket), I am saying that maybe this is not something that should take up so much space on the front pages of newspapers and in the land of politics. Perhaps, just perhaps, we should focus on something a little bit more important in the world; like the fact that the grape shortage in vineyards a few years ago might happen again and wine might not be available.
In all seriousness, we can’t dictate how people dress; and even if we could, I think we could start somewhere other than yoga pants (thongs on the beach, anyone?). With that said, here are five amazing reasons we should not ban yoga pants (other than the fact that I wear them daily).
Pregnant Mothers of Multiples will have Nothing to Wear
I speak from experience; this woman right here has 11-month-old twins. And if it weren’t for maternity yoga pants, my very small frame with my previously very large belly would literally have had nothing to wear. Until maternity designers understand that some of us have more than one baby cooking at a time, we can’t ban yoga pants. Pregnant, hormonal, emotional women everywhere will attack; and that would be very, very ugly.
Yes, that’s what I meant. They’re comfortable. They’re comfortable, and they make people happy at home.
They’re Better than Sweats
If we ban yoga pants, people are just going to start wearing sweatpants in public again. And if we’re going to be offended by what people wear, let’s be offended by sweats. They’re sloppy. At least yoga pants have the potential to look put together.
We Need to Work Out
We are all going to get fat, unhealthy and die of heart disease if we can’t wear yoga pants to the gym. Also, forgive me for pointing out the obvious, but what will we wear to, oh, you know, yoga?
Yoga Pants are Happy Pants
Yoga pants, my friend, are the happy pants of all southern girls in the dead of winter. It’s not cold enough for jeans and oversize sweaters, so we have to wear our tunics and our riding boots with something. The answer is leggings; and if you ban them, we’re all going to jail.
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