10 Things That Only People With Slow Metabolisms Understand


Metabolism is such a wonderful and such an irritating thing; the faster the better, but not everyone’s metabolism is fast. Sure, some people say that you can speed yours up, and you can. But it seems like some people are just born with the kind of metabolism that just allows them to consume whatever it is they want without a second thought. My brother, for instance, is a 6-foot young man who is lean and can eat anything he wants – anything. He can eat, drink and be as lazy as ever and never gain a pound. I, on the other hand, am 5’3 and I have to work out. My metabolism is fine on its own, but if I don’t engage in some sort of activity every day, I’d say goodbye to being thin before I even knew it. Some of us have to work hard to keep our metabolism going. Mine isn’t slow, but it needs constant motivation. Some people have a slow metabolism and there are things in life that only those people will understand. Those who have a fast metabolism and the ability to do whatever, whenever without worry just won’t get it. They just won’t; but those with a slow metabolism understand how dangerous some things are.

Cheating Means Cheating

We aren’t talking about the kind that typically ends in divorce, either. We are talking about the kind of cheating you do on your diet. People with a slow metabolism understand that eating a few cookies is not cheating. They understand that not ordering the latte they love in the skinny version is not cheating. They understand that cheating means eating any and everything in sight that they want for the entire day – or the rest of the week.

Pizza Parties are Torture

What, a pizza party? Sounds fun, right? Wrong. When you know you’re going to eat more pizza than your body can ever burn, it’s a bit of a dangerous situation. People with a slow metabolism love pizza, but they know what it means for their future.

Forget Salt

I once had a friend who has a slow metabolism tell me that just looking at salt makes her bloat and become 5 pounds heavier. She would not dare ever add it to her food. I love salt – I sometimes add food to mine for some flavor, too. Don’t be surprised when I die from salt intake. I’m like the Gulf of Mexico – the salt runs through my blood stream.

Just One Cookie? Yeah, Right

There is no such thing as just one cookie. In fact, those with a slow metabolism understand that there is no such thing as two. You eat all the cookies, and then you regret it for the rest of your life. You will remember every time you ate all the cookies from now until forever. It’s just the way life goes for those with a slow metabolism.

Losing Weight Takes Longer than a 3-Day Cleanse

If my husband decides he’s feeling bloated and he wants to lose a little weight, he will say he wants to lose 5 pounds and that he’s going to do this by forgoing his nightly glass of wine after putting the kinds in bed that night. He will lose 5 pounds before the second night rolls around. If I want to lose 5 pounds, we have to move into a new house and I have to spend 4 days painting, unpacking and organizing while forgetting to eat anything – or get the world’s worst illness. And my metabolism is not slow. But a cleanse just won’t do it for some.

Gaining Weight Takes 5 Minutes

I feel like this might be true for most people, but those with a slow metabolism get it. They really get it; they know that sometimes it takes only a minute and a half to gain weight, but it takes a year to lose it. It’s more than just saying, “I’ll be good tomorrow,” and being back to your normal self the day after that. It’s all about the gain and then the struggle to find the loss.

You Never Forget to Eat

I forget to eat, and some people in my life think I’m crazy. I sometimes go all day without eating and then realize I haven’t. Between working from home and caring for four kids, school activities, a husband, a house and everything else that requires my attention, food is not at the top of my list. I think I drink so much water than I forget I’m hungry until dinner. But some people don’t get it. People with slow metabolism, they don’t get it. I hear this often.

Summer is Miserable

It’s bikini season and everyone is on the boat all day long. You open one beer to enjoy as your cruising along and suddenly your swimsuit is too tight and life is miserable again. And there is everyone else all thin and eating burgers and chips and drinking and not worrying.

Halloween is the Best

Free candy at EVERY. SINGLE. HOUSE. What is better than that? I’ll tell you; what’s better than that is having unlimited funds of your own with which to purchase said candy on the reason that you’re going to pass out candy to the kids who come a’knocking, but you really plan on just turning off the lights and eating it all yourself. After all, you can buy only what you want and not worry about sorting through the cheap stuff other people hand out.

You Order “Skinny” Beverages – Always

Skinny lattes, skinny cocktails; everything is a skinny. It’s the only way you feel like you’re doing all right. Everyone else is ordering things that have a million calories per sip and you’re asking how many calories are in the ice that the bartender is putting in your rum and diet. It happens – it’s not fun, but it’s the only way you can keep up with all those latte drinking, wine-guzzling friends of yours that you are convinced go home and purge it all up.

Photo by Gary Prior/Getty Images for Reebok


Leave a Reply