7 Phrases Narcissists Love to Use — And How to Shut Them Down, According to a Harvard Psychologist

7 Phrases Narcissists Love to Use — And How to Shut Them Down, According to a Harvard Psychologist

Narcissists often manipulate conversations to maintain control, leaving others feeling diminished. A Harvard psychologist highlights key phrases they use to deflect responsibility, gaslight others, and evade accountability. Understanding these phrases can empower you to respond effectively and maintain your emotional well-being. By recognizing these tactics, we can better navigate interactions with those who exhibit narcissistic traits. Learning how to address these phrases with confidence allows you to establish boundaries and protect your mental health. This guide provides insights into the common expressions narcissists use and practical responses to shut them down, ensuring that your voice and feelings remain valid.

1. “You’re too sensitive.”

Narcissists often use the phrase “You’re too sensitive” to undermine your emotions and make you question your own perceptions. This tactic is designed to deflect attention from their behavior and invalidate your feelings. By labeling you as overly emotional, they shift the focus away from their actions.

A strong response is crucial here. Replying with “I’m allowed to feel how I feel” asserts your right to your emotions. This statement calmly reinforces your boundaries, emphasizing that your feelings are valid, regardless of their dismissal.

Standing firm in your emotional reality helps you maintain control over the conversation and resist their manipulative tactics.

2. “You’re overreacting.”

The charge of “You’re overreacting” is a classic form of emotional gaslighting. Narcissists use it to belittle your reaction, making it seem disproportionate to the event. This is designed to help them dodge accountability, shifting the blame onto you.

A balanced response like “I’m reacting appropriately to how I was treated” effectively redirects focus to their actions. This approach helps you maintain composure and reinforces the legitimacy of your feelings.

By confidently addressing the behavior rather than your reaction, you can preserve your self-esteem and counteract their attempts to manipulate the situation.

3. “I never said that.”

“I never said that” is a denial tactic used by narcissists to make you doubt your memory. This form of gaslighting aims to undermine your confidence and assert control over the narrative. By challenging your recollection, they can evade responsibility for their words.

Responding with “That’s not how I remember it, and that’s what I’m going with” asserts your trust in your memory. It is important to remain confident in your recall and not succumb to their manipulative strategies.

This response helps maintain your narrative integrity, ensuring that their attempts to alter the truth are unsuccessful.

4. “You’re lucky I put up with you.”

The phrase “You’re lucky I put up with you” is often used by narcissists to make you feel indebted. By suggesting they are tolerating you, they position themselves as superior and generous, reinforcing a power imbalance.

Responding with “I don’t need to be tolerated — I deserve mutual respect” reclaims your dignity and asserts your self-worth. It is crucial to acknowledge that relationships should be based on mutual respect rather than mere tolerance.

This response helps you reject any sense of obligation or inferiority, affirming your right to be treated as an equal.

5. “Everyone agrees with me.”

Narcissists frequently invoke the idea of “everyone” agreeing with them to pressure you into compliance. By creating an illusion of consensus, they attempt to isolate you and diminish your confidence to disagree.

The response “Then let’s keep this between us” effectively calls their bluff without confrontation. It calmly dismisses the manipulative groupthink, redirecting the discussion to a personal level.

This statement helps dismantle their fabricated consensus, allowing you to stand your ground and maintain your individual perspective, free from external pressure.

6. “I guess you’re perfect then.”

When a narcissist retorts with “I guess you’re perfect then,” they are using sarcasm to avoid accountability. This defensive tactic attempts to paint you as self-righteous, diverting attention from their behavior.

Responding with “I’m not perfect, but I’m willing to talk about what happened without sarcasm” keeps the conversation grounded. This approach demonstrates emotional maturity and a readiness to engage constructively.

By steering clear of defensiveness and focusing on the issue, you maintain control over the dialogue and resist their attempts to derail the discussion.

7. “You made me do this.”

The phrase “You made me do this” is a quintessential example of blame-shifting. Narcissists use it to absolve themselves of responsibility, shifting guilt onto you for their actions.

A firm response like “Your choices are your responsibility” is simple and unarguable. It highlights personal accountability and refuses to accept misplaced guilt.

By denying their attempts to transfer blame, you uphold your boundaries and assert the importance of individual responsibility. This response ensures that you do not internalize unjust accusations and maintain your self-esteem.