Two Important Tips for Keeping Good Marriages

After more than 11 years together – 8 married – people often ask me how my husband and I are still so happy. We are often mistaken for newlyweds by those who don’t know us in the grocery store, when we’re traveling, and when we are out. We’re both turning 30 in a few months and it’s not really something I have a direct answer to other than to say that we work hard at our marriage. That’s not to say that marriage is hard work, because I don’t believe that it is. I think that it’s like anything else in your life; if you lovingly take care of it one day at a time, it’s always shiny and looking new.

Communication

I don’t believe conflict is a problem in marriage. In fact, I think it makes it more interesting to debate with my husband about why I’m always right (mostly right…). Personally, I find being frustrated about things scarier than conflict. Frustration amounts to the fact that something is bothering me and it isn’t changing, which is why we communicate every little frustration we have. We don’t want our little frustrations growing larger. It’s easier to take care of them now than resent one another later.

Change

Sometimes we need a change. We need something in our lives to be different so we can be happier. It might be something small or something large, but if we think we need change, we change something. Most of the time, we change our nightly routine, such as our kids’ bedtime or what we do after they go to bed. It doesn’t matter; if you are bored, make a change. We like to occasionally start re-dating one another. It’s been 11 years, so we have a lot to think about, but sometimes we miss the excitement and newness of our relationship. We love the comfort level we have, but we miss getting to know one another. Over the course of 11 years, we’ve both changed a lot, so we periodically “date” all over again. He’ll ask me out on a date and pick me up after work like we don’t live together, or he’ll create an at home date for us after the kids go to bed. We’ll talk about things we haven’t talked about in a long time and get to know each other all over again….and we always like what we learn.