Johann H
Everyone loves to weigh in when a baby is on the way, but not all advice lands as intended. Expecting mothers often hear many comments that can be more annoying than helpful. To make sure your words are supportive rather than cringeworthy, here are 15 statements to avoid and tips on how to engage in meaningful, empathetic conversations during this special time.
“Are you sure you want to have a baby right now?”
If you challenge someone’s timing or decisions, it can undermine their confidence and cause unnecessary stress. For a pregnant woman, this could lead to second-guessing her choices, potentially harming her mental well-being and fostering doubts about her ability to manage the responsibility ahead.
“Are you sure you want to have a baby right now?” (Cont’d)
The question can be overwhelming and may push her towards impulsive decisions during an already stressful time. Instead, offer support and reassurance, letting her know you’re there to help her navigate this life-changing experience
“You’re really showing now, aren’t you?”
When you comment on her physical appearance, it can trigger self-consciousness and anxiety, especially during pregnancy when body changes are already difficult. Women sometimes feel societal pressure to look a certain way, so avoiding remarks about their appearance is best.
“You’re really showing now, aren’t you?” (Cont’d)
It can have a negative impact on a lady if you remark on how small she is during her pregnancy. She may think there’s something wrong and that she should be bigger. Simply saying how healthy she looks is the better thing to say.
“You’re eating for two, so you can indulge!”
Do you know it’s a myth that women should eat more when they are pregnant? They should eat at least 300 calories more but never overindulge. Telling her it’s OK to overeat when she’s pregnant can lead to serious unhealthy eating habits that can affect her mentally.
“You’re eating for two, so you can indulge!” (Cont’d)
When a woman overeats while pregnant, it often results in more weight gain, which might be difficult to lose post-birth. Instead of suggesting she can eat for two, provide her with advice on how to eat healthily throughout her pregnancy.
“You’re going to be a huge mess after the baby arrives”
This comment is basically predicting a chaotic future, which creates anxiety and fear regarding motherhood. Such comments can make the pregnant woman feel scared and uncertain about her ability to handle the challenges of new motherhood.
“You’re going to be a huge mess after the baby arrives” (Cont’d)
If you’re a mother, you should instead give your friend tips on balancing her life once she becomes a mom. Give her advice on how she can get more sleep and take care of her mental health, all while caring for her baby.
“You’re not going to get any sleep once the baby comes”
Bringing up the prospect of sleep deprivation isn’t necessary. It will give her a sense of dread about the future, which can negatively affect a woman’s mental state and her perception of her upcoming responsibilities.
“You’re not going to get any sleep once the baby comes” (Cont’d)
New mothers do get less sleep because they have to feed their babies every 3 to 4 hours. However, there are ways she can get more sleep when taking care of the newborn, such as through sleep training.
“You should be resting more and doing less”
While rest is important, this statement might make a woman feel guilty for her productivity or involvement in daily activities. You’re creating stress about meeting expectations and impacting her mental well-being, especially if she feels pressured to follow this advice.
“You look tired; are you sure you’re OK?”
When you comment on visible fatigue you’re potentially intensifying her feelings of inadequacy and worry. Saying this will create feelings of self-consciousness about her appearance and ability to manage her pregnancy.
“This is the last time you’ll have any freedom”
Suggesting freedom ends with motherhood can instill a sense of loss and dread. You’re overlooking the positive aspects of parenthood, which is giving her a negative mindset about the upcoming changes. There will be plenty of activities she can take part in with her baby.
“Are you having cravings again? You should control that”
It’s insensitive to judge a pregnant woman’s cravings. Unless there’s a genuine concern for the baby’s health, her food choices should be her own. Cravings are a normal part of pregnancy, and you should respect her decisions on what she wants to eat.
“You should know how to handle this by now”
When you assume a woman should instinctively know how to manage her pregnancy, you’re showing a lack of empathy. Just because other women had it easy doesn’t mean your friend will have the same experience. She may not always know how to handle discomfort or pain.
“You should be prepared for everything to be about the baby”
Of course, everything will be about the baby when he or she is born because the focus will be on the baby’s well-being. This statement implies that the woman will lose her sense of self. It may also be insulting because mothers don’t compete for attention with their newborn babies.
“Why aren’t you more excited about being pregnant?”
A pregnant woman will have days when she’s happy and when she isn’t, just like an average person would. Don’t pressure her to display excitement because you’re invalidating her emotions. Pregnancy can be a challenge and mixed with various feelings, so such comments can make her feel misunderstood.
“My labor was excruciatingly painful”
Never share horror labor experiences with a pregnant woman. When you share traumatic labor stories, you can intensify her anxiety and fears about childbirth. She doesn’t need to know how painful childbirth is because she’s probably already worried.
“Can I touch your stomach?”
Some pregnant women don’t mind people touching their bellies. But others may not want to be touched. When asking if you can touch her stomach, she may want to say “no” but will probably say “yes” because she doesn’t want to seem rude.
“Do you want a boy or a girl?”
Most pregnant women don’t worry about what the gender of the baby is as long as the newborn is healthy. Asking this question makes it seem like the mother only cares for her own needs and what she wants instead of the well-being of her child.
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