Mary Murphy
Social media has become a playground for narcissists to control and manipulate others. These platforms offer perfect opportunities for them to craft false images, seek attention, and exploit relationships. Understanding their tactics can help you protect yourself from falling victim to their mind games and emotional traps online.
1. Creating a Perfect Online Persona
Narcissists carefully curate their social media profiles to display only their best moments. They post edited photos, brag about achievements, and showcase an enviable lifestyle that often doesn’t match reality.
This perfect persona serves two purposes: it feeds their need for admiration while making others feel inadequate by comparison. The constant stream of “perfect” content creates an illusion that everyone should admire them.
Behind the scenes, they obsessively monitor reactions, becoming upset when posts don’t receive enough attention. This fabricated image becomes a tool to manipulate followers into believing they’re somehow superior or special.
2. Love Bombing Through Public Comments
Suddenly your social media is flooded with excessive compliments and attention from someone you barely know. They comment on everything, share your posts, and publicly declare how amazing you are.
This overwhelming public display isn’t genuine connection—it’s a manipulation tactic called love bombing. The narcissist creates a public record of their “devotion” that makes you feel special while subtly pressuring you to reciprocate.
Friends notice this attention, reinforcing your feeling that something special is happening. Later, when they’ve secured your trust, this behavior will abruptly stop, leaving you confused and chasing their approval.
3. Passive-Aggressive Vaguebooking
“Some people just don’t appreciate what they have.” Sound familiar? Narcissists excel at posting cryptic, negative messages aimed at specific people without naming names.
This tactic, called vaguebooking, creates anxiety in their targets who recognize the message is about them. Meanwhile, others rush to offer support, giving the narcissist attention without knowing the full story.
The real manipulation happens when you confront them—they’ll claim innocence or accuse you of being paranoid. This gaslighting leaves you doubting your perceptions while they enjoy the drama and support from uninformed followers.
4. Using Your Photos Without Permission
A narcissist might share your photos or personal information without asking, violating your boundaries while appearing friendly. They tag you in unflattering pictures or reveal details you’d rather keep private.
When confronted, they dismiss your concerns: “Why are you so sensitive? Everyone shares photos!” This boundary-crossing serves multiple purposes—it associates them with you publicly and establishes dominance.
The more you object, the more they paint you as unreasonable. They’re actually sending a message: your comfort matters less than their desire for content. This subtle power play normalizes disrespect while making you seem like the problem.
5. Triangulation Through Public Interactions
Ever notice how a narcissist publicly interacts with others in ways designed to make you jealous? They’ll leave flirty comments on attractive people’s photos or shower praise on someone you’re in conflict with.
This isn’t coincidental—it’s triangulation. By creating a visible three-person dynamic, they position you as competing for their attention or approval. The strategy works because it happens publicly, making you look petty if you object.
Suddenly you’re monitoring their online activity, feeling insecure about your relationship. Mission accomplished—they’ve manufactured insecurity that increases their perceived value while diminishing your confidence in the relationship.
6. Selective Response to Control Communication
The narcissist responds immediately to some messages while deliberately ignoring others. This isn’t forgetfulness—it’s a calculated power move to establish control over when and how you communicate.
They might reply instantly to trivial matters but disappear when you need emotional support or have a legitimate concern. This inconsistent behavior keeps you anxious and uncertain about your standing with them.
Over time, you learn to carefully craft messages that won’t trigger their silent treatment. You become hyper-vigilant about their online status, wondering why they’re active but ignoring you. This manipulation transforms you into the pursuer while they enjoy feeling sought after.
7. Orchestrating Public Sympathy Campaigns
Following conflicts, narcissists often launch carefully crafted social media campaigns portraying themselves as victims. They share vague stories of mistreatment without providing context, collecting sympathy and support from unwitting followers.
These posts are strategically designed to reach mutual friends who might otherwise hear your side. By controlling the narrative first, they paint you as the villain before you can defend yourself.
The real damage happens when mutual connections approach you with concerns based on this one-sided story. The narcissist has effectively weaponized your shared social circle, isolating you while boosting their image as the wounded party deserving support.
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