10 Things Every Couple Should Do Before Getting Married

10 Things Every Couple Should Do Before Getting Married

Getting married is one of life’s biggest decisions. Before saying ‘I do,’ smart couples take time to build a strong foundation for their future together. These ten activities help partners truly understand each other and prepare for a lifetime commitment. Taking these steps now can save heartache later and create a marriage built to last.

1. Have the Money Talk

To avoid financial friction, get on the same page early. Talk honestly about your income, debt, spending habits, and financial priorities. Share your credit reports and create a shared money strategy.

Decide how you’ll handle joint accounts, bill payments, and savings. Will you merge everything or keep some finances separate? There’s no right answer—just what works for both of you.

Creating a budget together before marriage helps avoid future arguments and builds financial trust from day one. This conversation might feel awkward but it’s much easier before wedding rings are exchanged.

2. Meet the Extended Family

How your partner engages with their family can reveal a lot about what marriage might look like. Whether it’s a dramatic aunt or a blunt grandparent, notice how they handle disagreements and maintain connection.

Pay attention to family traditions and values that shaped your partner. These influences often emerge in unexpected ways after marriage. Understanding family health history also helps with future planning.

Remember you’re not just marrying one person—you’re joining their family system. Building positive relationships with in-laws creates valuable support networks for your marriage journey. Family tensions don’t disappear after the wedding!

3. Discuss Children and Parenting

Parenting disagreements can break marriages apart. Have honest conversations about whether you want children, how many, and your timeline. Don’t assume your partner shares your views—even if they seem obvious to you.

Beyond the yes-or-no question, talk about parenting styles. How will you handle discipline? What values matter most? Discuss religious upbringing, education choices, and division of childcare responsibilities.

If either partner has strong feelings about adoption, fertility treatments, or remaining child-free, address these topics now. Compromising on whether to have children rarely works long-term. This conversation might be challenging but it’s essential for preventing heartbreak years later.

4. Travel Together

Nothing reveals true personalities like the stress of travel. Plan a trip that challenges you both—whether it’s backpacking abroad or road-tripping across states. You’ll quickly discover how each of you handles unexpected problems, budget constraints, and decision-making under pressure.

Travel forces couples to navigate unfamiliar situations together. Watch how your partner reacts when flights get canceled or reservations are lost. Do they remain calm or fall apart?

The memories created while exploring new places strengthen your bond. Plus, being away from familiar routines shows whether you genuinely enjoy each other’s company 24/7. Many couples say travel provided their relationship’s most revealing test.

5. Live Together First

Daily habits become relationship dealbreakers faster than you’d think. Sharing living space reveals how compatible your lifestyles truly are. Does one person need absolute quiet while the other blasts music? Are you neat while they’re messy?

Living together exposes financial habits too. You’ll see firsthand how your partner spends money on groceries, utilities, and household items. These patterns continue into marriage.

Cohabitation also tests your conflict resolution skills. When the toilet paper roll is empty again or dishes pile up, you’ll practice the communication skills marriage requires. Many couples say living together first prevented wedding mistakes—they either confirmed their compatibility or realized they weren’t right for each other.

6. Create Relationship Stress Tests

Assemble furniture together. Seriously! Tasks requiring teamwork under pressure reveal how well you function as partners. Try building IKEA furniture, planning a large event, or completing a home improvement project together.

Volunteer for causes you both care about. Working side-by-side in challenging situations shows your values in action. Does your partner remain kind when tired? Do they pull their weight or leave difficult tasks to others?

Take a class that pushes both of you outside your comfort zones. Cooking, dancing, or outdoor skills courses create learning situations where you’ll see how each person handles being a beginner. These experiences preview how you’ll handle life’s bigger challenges together.

7. Attend Premarital Counseling

Seeing a professional can help couples spot issues early—before they turn into major conflicts. Counselors create a safe space to tackle tough topics like religion, family dynamics, and more, while teaching communication skills that build long-term harmony.

Many religious organizations offer premarital programs, but secular options exist too. Look for counselors who use research-based approaches like PREPARE/ENRICH or Gottman Method. These programs include assessments that pinpoint your specific relationship strengths and growth areas.

Couples who complete quality premarital counseling report higher satisfaction and lower divorce rates. Even strong relationships benefit from this investment. Think of it as preventative maintenance rather than crisis intervention—much easier to address issues before saying “I do.”

8. Create a Relationship Vision

Successful couples know where they’re heading together. Set aside time to discuss your shared dreams for 1, 5, and 10 years from now. Cover career goals, living locations, lifestyle preferences, and retirement plans.

Write down your relationship values and priorities. What makes your partnership special? How will you maintain connection when life gets busy? Discuss non-negotiables versus areas where you’re flexible.

This vision becomes your roadmap when making big decisions. Without alignment on major life directions, couples often drift apart despite loving each other. Revisit and update your vision regularly after marriage. The specific goals might change, but having a shared direction prevents the painful discovery that you’re working toward completely different futures.

9. Meet Each Other’s Friends

We often mirror the people we’re closest to. That’s why it’s important to spend time with your partner’s friends—individually and as a group. How they interact can give you real insight into your partner’s values and behavior.

Watch for red flags like friends who encourage harmful behaviors or disrespect your relationship. Healthy friendships should ultimately support your partnership, not undermine it.

Building connections with each other’s social circles creates a stronger support network for your marriage. Friends who know both of you can offer balanced perspective during rough patches. They also provide essential social outlets so you’re not expecting one person to meet all your needs—an impossible standard that damages many marriages.

10. Discuss Religious and Cultural Expectations

Faith and cultural traditions shape our deepest values. Couples from different backgrounds should explore these differences thoroughly before marriage. Which holidays will you celebrate? How will spirituality feature in your home life? What traditions matter most to each of you?

If you plan to have children, decide how they’ll be raised regarding religion and cultural practices. These decisions become emotionally charged after children arrive, so establishing common ground early helps prevent painful conflicts.

Even couples sharing the same background should discuss expectations. Don’t assume identical upbringings mean identical beliefs. Many successful marriages blend traditions creatively, but this requires honest communication about what matters most to each person and why.