10 Lies You Have to Make to Your Husband Nearly Every Day


“It was a fabulous day, darling,” I said with a bright smile and a kiss when my husband walked through the garage door yesterday after a long day in the office, pushing thoughts of teddy bears floating in poop-filled toilets, dirty diapers and the image of my 1-year-old son slamming a dump truck into the head of his twin sister out of my mind. He smiled, kissed me and all four of our kids and proceeded to tell me all about his day in the corporate world. I nodded, responded when appropriate, smiled, shook my head when called for and pretended like I actually care (I do care, but you know what I mean). That was my first of many lies I uttered last night to my husband – and I don’t regret it. I’m not going to lie (pun intended); I, along with many other wives, whisper little white lies throughout the day to my husband. Why? For a variety of reasons – none of which are to hurt him, of course. When I lie to my husband each and every day, it’s because I’m looking out for him.

Let me explain something to you – he works very hard to provide for our family. Our days begin at 5 am when we shower and then I sit down to work for a few hours before the kids get up, and he gets ready for work. By 6:30, he’s out the door to commute one hour to work because he would never deny me the opportunity to live in my dream house in my dream neighborhood even though it’s so far away from his office. By 6 am, his phone has already been ringing for a half hour from people who need his help at the office before they open. He’s not home until 5:30 every evening, he rarely has time to sit down and have lunch at work – mostly sending out for something he barely touches because someone always needs him to help with something they can’t figure out. His phone rings continuously with people who need him for hours after he’s home. The kids are still sleeping when he leaves and the twins go to bed an hour after he gets home, the big girls an hour after that. He gets to spend 5 hours a week with the twins and 10 with the girls until weekend – when I’m pushing for date nights and time away from the kids after being with them 24/7 all week long.

He works hard for us – and I appreciate that and do not take it for granted. So that’s the primary reason I lie to him each day. He doesn’t need to know that I contemplated running away from home 3 times before breakfast alone, that I had to take 4 time outs of my own to calm down before I lost my ever-loving mind on my kids and that it took every ounce of patience I had to get through the day. He doesn’t need to know that. And besides, I chose to be a work-from-home mom and taking care of our kids is something I have to do because it’s illegal not to chose to do when we decided to have four kids. Scratch that; we chose to have three kids. I can’t help that we are both over-achievers in the conception department and ended up with twins that last time around. Really, I should try to be a bit less of an over-achiever.

My husband just doesn’t need to know that sometimes when he’s telling me about his day and how annoying it is that someone didn’t respond to an email, I think to myself, “Yes, your daughter didn’t respond to me when I told her to stop painting the walls with the poop she found in the toilet because your 4-year-old can’t flush, but I can see how an unanswered email would cause you so much stress,” or when he mentions how much he hates his one-hour commute, I’m thinking “I spent 20 minutes in the car with four kids today, it took me an hour to get everyone dressed and ready and in the car and then I listened to ‘Let it Go’ on repeat the first 10 minutes and ‘Blank Space’ the last 10 while the babies screamed for their cups and your daughter’s argued over whose turn it was to choose the next song. I’d kill someone for an hour alone in the car every day.” So…I lie. About what? Probably the same things most women lie to their husbands about on a regular basis.

We had a great day today, the kids were so much fun!

Sure, for about 10 minutes before they turned into whiny little monsters the rest of the day. They clearly get that from me, but I’m going to secretly hate on you for not having to deal with it.

I’d love to go to dinner, thanks for suggesting that! It is a nice break from cooking and cleaning.

Um…he cooks and does half the cleaning and I don’t really want to take four overly tired kids out in public and spend two hours picking up puffs off the floor and playing hide the salt and pepper shakers from the kids.

How was your day? I love hearing about it when you get home.

Not even close.

Sorry it took so long at the store. It was packed!

There wasn’t a single person in the store, I parked in the front parking space and walked up and down every single aisle three times. And then I went to TJ Maxx and picked up a few other adorable little things.

It does take a lot of time to maintain this blonde, honey. See you in about three hours.

It takes my stylist one hour to touch up my roots and style my hair. The other two are spent shopping or even just driving around. Because it’s quiet and I don’t hear one, “Mommy!”

They were on sale, don’t you love them?

Not on sale, and no, that price does not actually include four dresses, too. And it amazes me you won’t figure that out when I complain two days from now that I have nothing to wear despite the fact that I just told you I bought four new dresses with those shoes.

How about taking a walk tonight instead of a golf cart ride with the kids, they could ride their bikes while we walk, instead.

Translation: I would much rather take the golf cart out tonight, too, but I can see that you’ve been to the McDonalds drive-thru one too many times in the past few weeks and you need to get moving, darlin’.

I love that you want to try and fix things around the house yourself.

Translation; you are not even attempting to do that on your own, I’ll be calling a professional tomorrow because I’d rather pay $1000 right now than $2500 later after you break it even further (Harsh, I know; but my husband is not a DIY handy man by any stretch of the imagination).

You want to cancel the lawn service and mow our huge lawn by yourself from now on? And buy a riding lawn mower? Well…I think that it would be nice for you to get out and do something like that if it’s what you really want to do. We’ll go shopping for that ASAP.

Not a chance in hell, honey. You are not spending 3 hours a week outside mowing the lawn when we can pay someone to do it for us and you can spend that time helping me entertain our four kids you complain religiously you don’t see enough of during the week. And guess what? Our schedule just got 10 times busier – no time for shopping for that lawn mower.

We’re just going to meet for a drink or two and I shouldn’t be home too late.

Okay, so he knows this one is a lie. Since our friends are all couples, 95% of our nights out with them include everyone. But every few months or so the ladies will get together for a cocktail or two and 5 hours later we’re all, “Okay, last one and then we have to get home!” All the husbands hear the same thing, “I won’t be late,” and know for a fact that we will all be late. But aren’t we lucky girls that they aren’t complaining about handling dinner, bath and bedtime with the kids on their own?

I should add a disclaimer at the end here that my husband knows each of these are lies. He gives me a knowing look when I smile and utter anything on this list, but to his credit he says nothing knowing that pretending he doesn’t know the truth makes me feel like I’m making his life a bit easier and also that I’m trying to alleviate a bit of my unfounded guilt for wanting time away from the kids and out of the house. I love this man for all he does for me.

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