Daily life can be tough on a marriage. You have so many things coming at you from all directions. There are demands from careers, children, finances and family obligations. It can lead to your marriage feeling more like a business partnership than a deep commitment between two lovers. After enough time passes and things stay this way, your marriage can feel dull and dry. This can lead to discontentment and feeling like your needs are not getting met. It can even start your marriage on a downhill slide. But it doesn’t have to stay that way. You can get your marriage back on track with these steps. If you continue to apply them, your chances of a successful, happy marriage are much higher.
In every marriage there will inevitably be times that you do things to hurt one another. You can’t go through life together and expect to never have your feelings hurt. But, when that happens, there are two things that need to be done. The one that is the offender needs to offer a genuine, sincere apology for their actions and ask for the forgiveness of their spouse. Then one that has been hurt needs to try to let go of their anger and extend forgiveness. Couples need to take the time to talk about work out their differences and be open to listening to their partner express their feelings. If those steps aren’t followed each time there is a disagreement then resentment is going to build in the hearts of the couple. That can be overcome, as well. You may have to backtrack and ask forgiveness or extend it but past hurts can be laid to rest.
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We women have a bad habit of not keeping our appearances up as well after we are married as we did when we were dating. After you are married, there is a feeling as if the chase is over. You grow very comfortable in your relationship which is a good thing, except when it comes to this subject. Men still want to see their wives looking as lovely as they did in their before marriage days. Take time to apply your makeup and fix your hair. Don’t have a closet full of yoga pants and t shirts. Put real clothes on each day. Try to exercise to keep your body in good physical shape. It is fine to have a lazy day every now and then but it should not become the norm.
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You want to know that your spouse is in your corner, don’t you? You should always be each other’s biggest supporter. This means that you are always rooting for one another when you are facing new challenges and cheering each other on. It also means offering encouragement when you see that the partner is down and feeling discouraged. When you feel like your partner believes in you, you believe in yourself. This gives you confidence to go out and face the world. It is a great feeling when you know that you have each other’s backs. Having a cheerleader cheering you on is always a good thing.
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We all have friends that aren’t exactly positive in their outlook on life. We can enjoy those friends and appreciate the good traits that they do have. But if their negativity is contagious to you, making you be negative in your outlook on life then it may be time to spend a little bit less time with them and look for a friend that encourages you to be optimistic. A negative friend may bash her husband or partner to you which can make you want to do the same. It is hard to be around someone who is bashing their partner without joining in. A negative friend may not always want the best for you, either. If you and your spouse are going through a difficult time, they may not offer you the encouragement and support you need to stay the course. It is wise to choose your friends carefully.
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It is really difficult to find time each day to spend together but it is very important. Relationships need special times like dinners out and weekends away but they also need care and maintenance on a daily basis. Even if you can only find a small amount of time to spend together each day, make it a priority. It can be something as simple as taking a walk together, having dessert in front of the fireplace or cuddling up to watch a favorite television show. It isn’t what you are doing that matters, it is that you are doing something and doing it together. If your work takes you away from one another, you can use text messages, phone calls and face time to get time together.
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As life gets busy, these little habits can fall by the wayside. Staying in the habit of kissing hello, goodbye and goodnight is a good way to make sure that you have a physical connection on a regular basis. It keeps you connected and helps you to keep the little sparks alive. Don’t stop saying “I love You” when you part ways or hang up the telephone if you have always done so. And if you used to do so, it is not too late to start back. You can spontaneously surprise your spouse or you can talk to them and tell them that you miss saying that to one another and routine kisses you used to share. It is never too late to work on establishing special routines together.
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Marriage is no fun if you aren’t having fun. There is a lot of business you have to handle when you are married. There is the mortgage and all the bills you have to pay, decisions to make, pediatrician appointments to discuss and parent-teacher conferences to go to. So you have to make it a point to have fun and laugh together. Try playing a board game after you put the kids to bed or have another couple over for a card game. Share things when you talk each day that have happened that you know your spouse will enjoying hearing. It is fun to share the little moments that make life fun.
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8. Find An Older Couple To Mentor You
We don’t have all the answers when we get married and we don’t have the experience of years of marriage to draw on to know the best way to handle different situations that you will encounter in marriage. It is good to have an older couple that you can talk to and go to with questions and concerns. They can help to guide you through them or at least offer their perspective and experience. The key to this tip is to be sure that you choose an older married couple that you both respect and have a marriage like you want to have. They will be a valuable resource throughout the years.
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9. Don’t Stop Dating!
Many people make the mistake of thinking that dating is over when they get married but you should never stop dating. Dating is fun and is a special effort you are making to set time and money aside just for your relationship. It can be difficult to accomplish this, especially after you have children but it well worth the effort. It is nice to get all dressed up to go out with your husband for an evening. Let him enjoy treating you to your favorite restaurant, take in a movie you both want to see or go sip coffee at your favorite coffee house. It isn’t the activity that matters; is the fact that you are making this effort to nurture your relationship.
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10. Be Best Friends
Your spouse should always be the one that you turn to in times of crisis or to share your joy when something special happens. They should be the one you want to call when you have exciting news to share. You can help the friendship grow between you by talking about things and sharing like you do with your other friends. Ask your spouse for help when you are facing a challenging situation and get their take on it. They will appreciate that you are asking for their advice and that their opinion means something to you.
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11. Make It A Habit To Hold Hands
Holding hands is usually one of the first things you do when you become a couple and one of the first ways that you show affection for one another. It is also one of the first things that slips away when you get too settled in your marriage. But holding hands is important. It is a way that you can offer comfort to one another in a difficult situation. It has also been proven to help a woman to be calmer and lower her blood pressure when she is holding her partner’s hand. It just offers a connection that you can share wherever you are. Make it a habit to hold hands in the car, when you are walking or even just at home.
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12. Remember You Are More Than Just Mommy & Daddy
You love your children dearly and it is understandable that they are the focus of so much of your time and attention once you become parents. For such little people, they require a lot of you and parents love every minute of it. But it is very easy to get overly wrapped up in being Mommy and Daddy and forget to be husband and wife. Remember that sometimes you need to take off your parenting hats and put on your married couple hats. Make sure you have an identity as a couple outside of being parents. Remember, your children will grow up and have their own lives so it is very important to maintain a relationship that doesn’t revolve solely around them.
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13. Don’t Let Stress Get To You
Stress is a part of life but it seems as if there is a large amount to be carried when you are a couple in the early years. You are just getting on your feet. You may be buying or have just bought a home. You may have student loans to pay off. There is the transition of becoming parents or caring for parents that may be dealing with failing health. The important thing to is to remind yourself it is a temporary situation and that you will find a way to get through it. Life brings changes with it and a lot of the stress you deal with as a young couple will not always be there.
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14. Go On Vacations Without The Kids
As much as you love your children, you need to really get away as a couple on occasion. It is wonderful to vacation with your children but make sure that you are vacationing without them as often as you are with them. Date nights are good and important to do but you don’t get the kind of relaxation and time together that you do on a vacation alone. Make it a goal to go on a vacation without the kids at least once a year. It is difficult to make this happen. But you can save for it and work out child care arrangements with enough time and thought.
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15. Renew Your Commitment To Each Other
It is good to hear your partner say that they are as committed to you today as they were the day that they married you. Renewing your vows is a wonderful way to say that you would marry your partner all over again. It is a romantic and special thing to do together. It puts action behind the words. If this is not an option for you at this point in your lives you can still speak words of commitment to one another and let your partner know that your devotion to them runs deep. You can dream of renewing your vows together and of a second honeymoon. The fact that you want to do those things says a lot to your partner about the depth of your love for them.