9 Things You Should Never Say at Thanksgiving Dinner (According to Experts)

Thanksgiving is supposed to be a time for gratitude, good food, and quality time with loved ones. But one wrong comment can turn a peaceful dinner into an awkward or even tense situation. Communication experts and therapists have identified certain phrases that should stay off the table if you want everyone to leave happy and full.

1. “You’ve gained weight.”

Psychologists strongly caution against any comments about weight, body size, or food choices. These remarks damage self-esteem and can trigger eating disorders or body image issues.

Thanksgiving centers around food, making it especially cruel to police what or how much someone eats. Someone may have lost or gained weight due to medication, stress, illness, or countless other personal reasons.

Making it a topic of conversation invites conflict and ruins the celebratory mood. Food is meant to be enjoyed without judgment. Keep your focus on gratitude and connection, not on monitoring anyone’s plate or appearance.

2. “Why are you still single?”

Relationship therapists warn that asking about someone’s romantic life can make them feel judged and singled out. Nobody wants to defend their dating status while passing the mashed potatoes.

This question assumes something is wrong with being single, which can trigger feelings of insecurity or inadequacy. Many people are happily single by choice, while others may be dealing with painful breakups or personal challenges.

Putting someone on the spot about their love life creates unnecessary pressure. Instead, ask about their hobbies, career achievements, or recent travels—topics they can control and feel proud discussing.

3. “What’s your political stance on [issue]?”

Mental health professionals identify politics as the number one conversation killer at family gatherings. Political discussions quickly escalate from civil debate to heated arguments, dividing the table and ruining the peaceful atmosphere.

Even well-intentioned questions about current events can spiral into conflict. People hold deeply personal beliefs shaped by their experiences, values, and backgrounds. Thanksgiving dinner isn’t the appropriate venue for changing minds or defending positions.

Family dynamics experts suggest establishing a no-politics rule before the meal begins. Focus instead on shared memories, funny stories, or neutral topics everyone can enjoy. Save the political debates for another time and place.

4. “You used to drink a lot. / You were a party animal.”

Calling attention to someone’s previous lifestyle choices can humiliate them and invites unwanted scrutiny. Perhaps they’ve overcome addiction, made healthier choices, or simply matured beyond their younger days.

Reminding them of past behavior suggests they haven’t really changed in your eyes. This comment can be especially painful for people in recovery who work hard to maintain sobriety. It can also make current struggles more difficult by highlighting how far they’ve come.

Etiquette experts recommend celebrating who people are now rather than who they used to be. Acknowledge their growth privately if appropriate, but don’t make their personal journey dinner table entertainment for everyone else.

5. “Does your job even pay enough?”

Career counselors and therapists agree that interrogating someone about their income feels shaming and invasive. Not everyone measures success by salary, and many people work in fields they’re passionate about despite modest pay.

This question also invites unwanted comparisons between family members. Someone might be building a business, pursuing creative work, or prioritizing work-life balance over a big paycheck.

They could also be struggling financially and don’t need relatives highlighting it. Rather than focusing on money, ask what they enjoy most about their work or what exciting projects they’re tackling. Celebrate their effort and dedication instead of reducing their worth to dollars.

6. “Any baby news yet?”

Fertility and pregnancy discussions rank among the most emotionally sensitive topics, according to therapists. Many couples face infertility struggles, miscarriages, or medical challenges they’re not ready to share publicly.

Others have deliberately chosen not to have children and resent being questioned about it. This seemingly innocent question can cause deep pain and embarrassment. Someone might be undergoing fertility treatments, dealing with pregnancy loss, or facing relationship issues around starting a family.

Mental health experts recommend avoiding all baby-related questions unless the person brings it up first. Show interest in their lives beyond reproduction—their accomplishments, adventures, and happiness matter regardless of parenting status.

7. “Remember when you caused that problem…”

Dredging up old mistakes or unresolved disputes guarantees tension, according to family dynamics experts. Thanksgiving should celebrate the present and future, not rehash painful history.

Bringing up someone’s past failures embarrasses them and puts everyone else in an uncomfortable position. Maybe someone made poor choices years ago but has since grown and changed.

Reminding them of old problems prevents healing and damages relationships. It also teaches younger family members that mistakes are never forgiven. If you have genuine concerns about past issues, address them privately at an appropriate time. The holiday table deserves gratitude and grace, not grudges and grievances.

8. “When are you two getting married?”

Pressuring couples about marriage turns a private decision into public entertainment. Experts explain that every relationship moves at its own pace, and outside pressure creates anxiety rather than romance.

Some couples may be dealing with financial concerns, health issues, or simply enjoying their current relationship stage. This question can also be painful for couples facing fertility struggles or disagreements about marriage itself.

What seems like innocent curiosity can actually strain both the relationship and the family dynamic. A better approach? Compliment how happy they seem together without demanding a timeline for their future.

9. Introducing any hot-button issues (gun control, immigration, etc.)

Therapists and etiquette experts universally agree that controversial, emotionally charged topics derail peaceful meals faster than anything else. Issues like gun control, immigration, abortion, and religion trigger passionate responses that rarely lead to productive conversation.

These discussions quickly become personal attacks rather than respectful exchanges. Family members may hold vastly different views shaped by their unique experiences and values. Forcing these debates during a holiday meant for togetherness creates lasting damage to relationships.

Even if you’re convinced you’re right, Thanksgiving dinner won’t be the moment someone changes their fundamental beliefs. Keep the conversation light, positive, and inclusive so everyone leaves feeling connected rather than divided.