Mary Murphy
The words we choose in the workplace can either build bridges or create walls. Sometimes, phrases that seem harmless or even helpful can actually make others feel disrespected or belittled. When we use condescending language, we damage professional relationships and undermine our own credibility. Understanding these common communication pitfalls is the first step to creating a more respectful workplace where everyone feels valued.
1. “Actually, what you’re trying to say is…”
Nothing shuts down a conversation faster than someone hijacking your thoughts. When you begin a sentence with “Actually, what you’re trying to say is…”, you’re essentially telling the other person they can’t articulate their own ideas properly. You position yourself as the superior translator of their thoughts.
This phrase creates an immediate power imbalance in conversations. Your colleagues will feel diminished and might stop sharing ideas altogether, fearing you’ll reinterpret everything they say. The workplace becomes less collaborative when people feel their words aren’t respected.
Instead, try “I understand your point about X” or “I think I see what you mean.” These alternatives acknowledge what they’ve said without assuming you know their thoughts better than they do.
2. “I’m sorry you feel that way.”
This seemingly apologetic phrase actually shifts responsibility away from your actions and onto the other person’s emotions. Rather than addressing legitimate concerns, it frames the issue as their emotional problem.
When someone hears this, they immediately recognize you’re not actually sorry about what happened – just that they had feelings about it. The phrase creates distance instead of connection.
Try instead: “Thank you for sharing your perspective. Let me understand better what happened.” This acknowledges their experience without dismissing it and opens the door to meaningful resolution.
3. “We’ve already tried that, and it didn’t work.”
Innovation rarely comes from first attempts. When you shut down ideas by referencing past failures, you’re not just rejecting the suggestion – you’re rejecting the person’s creative contribution.
This phrase signals closed-mindedness and assumes circumstances haven’t changed since the previous attempt. It creates an environment where people become hesitant to offer fresh perspectives.
A better approach: “That’s an interesting idea. When we tried something similar before, we faced some challenges. What might we do differently this time?” This acknowledges history while remaining open to new possibilities.
4. “You’ll understand when you’ve done this longer.”
Experience matters, but dismissing someone’s input based solely on their tenure is both arrogant and shortsighted. Fresh perspectives often lead to breakthrough innovations precisely because they aren’t constrained by “how things have always been done.”
This phrase creates an artificial hierarchy based on time rather than merit. It tells the person their current contributions aren’t valuable simply because they haven’t been around as long as you have.
Instead, try: “That’s a different approach than we’ve typically used. Let’s explore how it might work.” This validates their input while acknowledging the value of both experience and fresh thinking.
5. “Don’t worry about those details — I’ll handle it.”
Behind the helpful facade, this phrase actually communicates distrust in someone’s abilities. It robs them of growth opportunities and implies they can’t handle complexity or important work.
People crave autonomy and mastery in their professional lives. When you consistently take challenging tasks away from them, you’re hindering their development and sending the message that you don’t believe in their capabilities.
A more empowering alternative: “This has some complex elements. Would you like to work through it together, or would you prefer to tackle it yourself with check-ins?” This offers support while respecting their agency.
6. “Does that make sense?”
At face value, checking for understanding seems considerate. However, the phrasing suggests you doubt the listener’s intelligence or ability to follow along with basic concepts.
The question puts the burden on them – either admit confusion (and feel inadequate) or nod along despite potential misunderstandings. This creates unnecessary pressure and potential communication gaps.
More respectful alternatives include: “How does that sound to you?” or “What are your thoughts on this approach?” These invite genuine dialogue rather than questioning someone’s comprehension abilities.
7. “That’s obvious.”
Knowledge that seems clear to you might be brand new to someone else. When you label something as “obvious,” you immediately create shame for anyone who didn’t already know it.
Learning happens at different rates and through different paths for everyone. What’s intuitive to you might be a revelation to someone with different experiences and background knowledge.
Try instead: “This fundamental concept connects to what you’re working on because…” This shares the information without judgment and builds bridges rather than highlighting knowledge gaps in ways that make others feel inferior.
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