12 Gaslighting Tactics People Use in Everyday Conversations

12 Gaslighting Tactics People Use in Everyday Conversations

Gaslighting, a manipulative tactic used to distort reality, often occurs in everyday conversations. It causes confusion and self-doubt in the victim, undermining their perception of reality. This article explores 12 common gaslighting strategies.

1. That Never Happened

Picture this: You recall a conversation or event vividly, only to be told it never happened. This strategy causes you to question not only your memory but also your sanity. A gaslighter will insist that your recollection is false, even when you’re certain.

This denial aims to make you doubt your reality. Over time, such insistence can erode self-esteem, leaving you reliant on the gaslighter’s version of events. It’s a classic maneuver to gain control and keep you second-guessing your own mind.

2. You’re Overreacting

Emotions run high, and suddenly you’re told you’re overreacting. This tactic dismisses your feelings, branding them as exaggerated or irrational. When someone labels your reactions as overblown, it undermines genuine emotions.

This dismissal makes you question your own emotional responses, wondering if you’re indeed too sensitive. It’s a subtle way of controlling the narrative, ensuring you feel less confident in expressing yourself. This diminishment of feelings can lead to internalized doubt and restrained self-expression.

3. Changing the Subject

Ever felt the conversation slip away from you? A skillful gaslighter can shift topics so swiftly that you’re left disoriented. Confrontations are deftly avoided by diverting the conversation elsewhere.

This tactic serves as a distraction, preventing the issue from being addressed. As a result, the real problem remains unresolved while you grapple with the sudden change. It’s a clever way to dodge responsibility and maintain control over the dialogue, leaving you floundering for clarity.

4. Blame Shifting

Imagine being at fault for something you didn’t do. Blame shifting flips the script, making the victim responsible for the gaslighter’s misdeeds. It’s a cunning way to escape accountability.

By redirecting blame, the gaslighter avoids scrutiny and shifts focus onto you. This tactic manipulates the narrative, creating a scenario where you feel guilty for actions that weren’t yours. It’s disorienting and forces you into a defensive position, further consolidating the gaslighter’s control.

5. Twisting Your Words

Words are powerful, and twisting them can be a potent weapon. Gaslighters reframe what you’ve said, often warping it to portray you negatively. This tactic makes you seem irrational, bolstering their position.

This twisting creates confusion, leading you to doubt if you truly communicated your thoughts correctly. The manipulation shifts focus, making you question your own words. It’s an undermining strategy that enhances the gaslighter’s control, leaving you feeling powerless and unheard.

6. Using “Evidence” That Never Existed

Imagine someone conjuring evidence out of thin air to support their claims. Gaslighters often fabricate facts or cite imaginary allies to back their narrative. This tactic lends them an air of credibility that can be difficult to contest.

By creating false proof, they aim to validate their perspective while discrediting yours. This manipulation makes you question your understanding of the situation. The fabricated evidence serves their agenda, enhancing their authority and leaving you grappling with disbelief.

7. Mocking or Imitating

Laughter at your expense can sting, especially when it’s mockery. Sarcastic imitation is a gaslighter’s trick to belittle you. By caricaturing your tone or behavior, they undermine your confidence.

This mockery is a tactic to discredit your arguments subtly, leaving you feeling foolish. The humiliation is strategic, designed to erode your self-assurance. It’s a covert way to assert dominance, making you wary of speaking up again, fearing ridicule.

8. Love-Bombing Then Withholding

Excessive affection followed by abrupt coldness can be bewildering. Love-bombing creates emotional highs, only to be followed by a stark absence of warmth. This inconsistency fosters dependency.

The cycle of praise and detachment keeps you off balance, seeking validation. It’s a calculated strategy to maintain control by exploiting your emotional responses. The alternating warmth and detachment are manipulative, leaving you craving the affection they selectively provide.

9. “I Was Just Joking”

Hiding behind humor is a common tactic. Hurtful remarks are dismissed as jokes, leaving you feeling over-sensitive. This strategy avoids accountability by masking cruelty with laughter.

By claiming jest, the gaslighter deflects responsibility and trivializes the impact. This dismissal invalidates your feelings, making you question your right to be offended. It’s a sly maneuver to sidestep culpability, ensuring you appear unreasonable for taking offense.

10. Using Your Insecurities Against You

Imagine your vulnerabilities turned against you. Gaslighters weaponize your insecurities, subtly jabbing at them during disputes. This tactic is designed to make you feel inadequate.

By exploiting what you’ve confided, they undermine your confidence, ensuring you feel small and unsupported. It’s a manipulative ploy to gain the upper hand, making you doubt your worth. The strategic use of insecurities further entangles you in their web of control.

11. Rewriting History

Memories can be malleable, and gaslighters take advantage of this by rewriting history. They insist events unfolded differently, creating a narrative that serves their interests.

This tactic erodes your trust in your recollections, making you question what truly happened. By distorting the past, gaslighters maintain control, ensuring their version prevails. It’s a powerful way to manipulate your perception, leaving you unsure of your own memories.

12. Recruiting Allies (a.k.a. “Triangulation”)

Strength in numbers can overwhelm. Gaslighters recruit allies, real or imagined, to reinforce their position. This triangulation creates a sense of isolation.

By presenting others as supportive of their view, they make you feel overpowered and unsupported. This tactic amplifies doubt, as you question if you’re the one in the wrong. The collective backing serves to validate their stance, leaving you feeling cornered and alone.