Not being a single mom myself, I don’t know many single moms. However, the ones I do know are some of the funniest, most self-deprecating, most intelligent women I know. Of course, it takes a strong woman to raise her kids on her own and to have the strength to kick a man to the curb instead of learning to ignore his sizable flaws. So when one of the moms I met through our children’s extracurricular activities decided she wasn’t all that interested in being married to a man who decided that their marriage should be an open one for him and so very closed for her, she suddenly entered an entirely new world. As a lovely blonde woman with a great career and cute kids, she’s a catch. Funny, fit, smart, witty and always quick to smile, she’s someone with whom you immediately feel comfortable and at ease, and that makes people fall madly in love with her from the start. She was warned what she could expect as a single mom, but she loves to regale the rest of us with tales of what it’s like being a single blonde mom in the real world.
Are you a Stripper?
Blondie, as we will now refer to my friend, gets asked this question so often it’s probably not even funny. For some reason, men who find out she is a single mom assume that with her blonde hair and her ability to pay the bills, she must be removing her clothes and allowing men to shove dollar bills into her g-string. She’s not – she doesn’t have big enough breasts.
So…you are a Lesbian?
Yes, because a single mom with blonde hair, a great body and an attractive face can’t just be single? She either has to be married or be a lesbian? Are those her life choices, because at this point in her life she’s not really down with either one. Though she did say that the next time she marries, it’s for money since the first time was for love and that didn’t work out for her. But then she follows it up with something about just wanting to find a nice person at some point with whom she can settle down. So I’m thinking she’s not all that particular about wallet size.
The Cost of Covering up the Grey Hair
Being a single mom even with a great job is no financially simple task. Kids are expensive, and paying for everything on your own is expensive. And that goes for blondie and her grey hair. She’s got to cover that stuff up, but the cost is astronomical. And I can vouch for this one. My previous 6 week hair appointments have been cut to 4 week appointments since my grey is so prevalent that I had to go blonde to cover it up. I much prefer the few dark roots I now have with blonde hair to the hundreds of grey ones I had with dark hair.
The Babysitter’s Fee
Ah, yes, on top of that $150 hair appointment comes the hourly wage required by the babysitter that has to watch your kids for you since your deadbeat ex is too busy with his new girlfriend and her family dinner to keep his own kids on his own night. But, hey, whatever; the kids will remember that one day and spend the holidays with you at your house when they have kids of their own.
The Assumption you’re Looking for Love
Why people assume that a blonde mother is looking for love more than another single mom with different hair is beyond my friend. She figures that people assume she’s too dumb, stupid or educated to care for herself so she’s looking for a sugar daddy. She said that while she wouldn’t mind a man that wants to lavish her with everything from his attention to a beach house in Hawaii, she’s cool with being single and she’s cool with not finding a sugar daddy, per say.
Dumb Blonde Jokes
They’re just not funny to blondes. But not because they’re not understood or even amusing; because they’re told so frequently that she knows what you are going to say before you know what you are going to say.
Wearing Pink is a No-No
Unless she wants everyone to call her Barbie and make jokes about her looking for her Ken, she can’t wear pink. I’m a blonde and I wear pink all the time, so this is something that’s truly a single mom thing for her because it’s really the only difference I can think of.
You Must not be a Good Mom
The first time someone was surprised that she had custody of her kids, she was confused. Then said person mentioned to her that they just assumed that she probably had better things to do than care for her kids, like go to the spa and the country club. Nice, people; really nice.
Split Ends are a Daily Process
No one understands split ends like a blonde. But no blonde understands split ends like a single mom. Why? Because she doesn’t always have the time or funds to get to the salon for a frequent trim, which means she’s dealing with them on a daily basis and looking like a frizzed out maniac every day in between.
There’s Never enough Time to Shampoo
When you have kids, things like shampooing your hair aren’t always possible. Even when you have time, you don’t really have time. It’s your job to go to work, to get kids to and from practices, to make lunches, dinners, and handle bed time. The house isn’t cleaning itself and if you don’t email your mom back within an hour she will assume you are dead and send a search party and you just haven’t the time for houseguests. So…there’s not always time to wash your hair. And that means it’s greasy since blonde hair, for whatever reason, always seems to get greasier faster than other colors. And that’s an issue.
Photo by Getty Images