10 Things You Never Say to a Parent Whose Child has Special Needs

Words matter. A simple sentence can bring comfort or cause frustration. Parents of children with special needs hear well-meaning but misguided remarks every day. Some comments are unintentionally dismissive, while others create pressure or guilt. If you truly want to support them, here’s what to avoid—and what to say.

“They Will Grow Out of It”

Wouldn’t that be great? But for most children with special needs, their challenges aren’t just a phase. Many conditions require lifelong support and adaptations. Instead of brushing it off as temporary, acknowledge their progress. Recognizing effort and growth is far more valuable than offering false reassurance.

“Have You Tried This Cure Or Treatment?”

Snake oil solutions, miracle diets, and internet cures—parents have heard it all. They work with doctors and therapists to make informed decisions. Do not push the latest “fix,” but try to ask how their child is doing. Real support starts with listening, not prescribing.

“They Look Normal To Me”

Disabilities do not always come with visible signs. Many conditions remain unnoticed at first glance, yet they still shape daily experiences in profound ways. This statement disregards the unseen struggles a child faces and the dedication required to manage them.

“You Must Be A Saint For Doing This”

No parent wakes up feeling like a saint. They wake up tired, determined, and ready to tackle another day. Calling them “special” makes it sound like they were chosen for this life rather than simply loving their child. Rather than putting them on a pedestal, offer genuine support.

“God Only Gives Special Children To Special Parents”

It’s better to ask questions about how they feel than say they’re special parents. Because what seems like a compliment often becomes an unintended burden. Parents grow through love while adapting to their child’s needs. If you frame their journey as destiny, it misrepresents reality.

“I Could Never Handle What You Do”

If you had to, you would. That’s the truth. Strength isn’t something parents of children with special needs were born with—it grows over time. This phrase separates them as opposed to connecting them. A better way to show appreciation? Say, “You’re doing an amazing job.” That’s all they need to hear.

“At Least It’s Not Worse”

Comparing struggles doesn’t erase them. Every challenge is real to the person experiencing it. Minimizing a parent’s hardships by pointing to “something worse” doesn’t help—it only makes them feel unheard. You should not downplay their reality; simply acknowledge it.

“Your Child Just Needs More Discipline”

This one stings. Special needs aren’t about bad behavior; they affect communication, emotional regulation, and sensory processing. Traditional discipline often isn’t the answer. Parents use expert-backed strategies tailored to their child’s needs. Instead of assuming a child just needs stricter rules, ask how they handle the challenges.

“They Should Be In A Special School”

Some children thrive in inclusive classrooms, while others benefit from specialized programs. Assuming a child belongs in one type of school ignores the effort parents put into finding the right fit. Don’t suggest where they “should” be, but rather ask what works best for them.

“I Know Exactly How You Feel”

Unless you’ve walked the same path, it’s unlikely. Every child is different, and so is every parenting journey. While empathy is appreciated, comparisons can feel dismissive. “I can’t imagine what that’s like, but I’m here if you ever want to talk” is far more meaningful.