Hailey Watson
Most people assume that the ones closest to them are always in their corner.
But sometimes, a friend, family member, or partner can secretly enjoy watching you go through hard times.
The signs are often so small and sneaky that they are easy to miss or make excuses for.
Knowing what to look for can help you protect your peace and make smarter choices about who you keep close.
1. They Refuse To Take Accountability
Some people are masters at dodging responsibility.
No matter how clearly you explain how their actions hurt you, they twist the conversation, play the victim, or simply walk away unchanged.
It can leave you questioning your own feelings, wondering if maybe you were the problem all along.
That self-doubt is exactly what happens when someone refuses to own their behavior.
A person who genuinely cares about you will feel uncomfortable knowing they caused you pain.
When someone consistently avoids apologizing, it signals that your emotional well-being simply does not rank high on their priority list.
2. They Show Little To No Empathy
Empathy is the glue that holds close relationships together.
When you are going through something painful, a caring person will sit with you in that discomfort, even if they cannot fix it.
They show up, listen, and make you feel less alone.
Someone who enjoys your struggles, however, stays emotionally cold.
They may offer hollow phrases like “you will be fine” without any real warmth behind the words.
Over time, that emotional distance starts to feel less like a personality quirk and more like indifference.
Pay attention to how people respond when you are at your lowest point.
3. They Dismiss Your Feelings
“You are overreacting.” “It is not that serious.” Sound familiar?
Dismissive language is one of the quickest ways someone can shrink your sense of reality.
When your emotions are constantly brushed aside, you start to believe your feelings are too much or simply unimportant.
A person who genuinely values you will validate what you feel, even when they do not fully understand it.
Dismissal, on the other hand, keeps you small and second-guessing yourself.
If someone always makes you feel like your struggles are exaggerated or unworthy of attention, that pattern deserves a serious second look.
4. They Keep Repeating Hurtful Behavior
Everyone slips up sometimes, and a genuine apology can go a long way.
But there is a big difference between making a mistake and repeatedly doing something you already know causes harm.
When hurtful behavior keeps showing up after you have clearly expressed how it affects you, that is not forgetfulness — that is a choice.
People who care about your well-being adjust their actions once they understand the impact.
Someone who keeps crossing the same lines might be testing your boundaries on purpose.
Repeated harm, dressed up as carelessness, is one of the clearest signals that your pain does not bother them much at all.
5. They Disappear When You’re Doing Well
Here is a telling pattern worth noticing: some people are very present when life is hard, but strangely absent when things start going your way.
They check in constantly during your rough patches but go quiet the moment you land the job, heal from the breakup, or hit a personal milestone.
Real support does not have an expiration date tied to your circumstances.
A true ally celebrates your wins just as enthusiastically as they comfort your losses.
When someone fades during your good seasons, ask yourself what drew them in during the bad ones.
The answer can be pretty eye-opening.
6. They Downplay Your Successes
You worked hard, achieved something meaningful, and rushed to share the news — only to be met with a flat “oh, cool” or a quick subject change.
That sting is real.
When someone consistently responds to your wins with indifference or subtle put-downs, it chips away at your confidence in ways that are hard to name.
Downplaying achievements is a quiet power move.
It keeps you from feeling too good about yourself, which can make you easier to control or keep close.
Surround yourself with people who match your energy when you succeed, because genuine cheerleaders are worth their weight in gold.
7. They Give Backhanded Compliments
“You actually did really well for someone with your background.” “That outfit looks surprisingly good on you.” Backhanded compliments are sneaky because they are wrapped in the language of praise but carry a small jab tucked inside.
They leave you smiling on the outside while feeling oddly deflated on the inside.
People who use this tactic regularly are rarely unaware of what they are doing.
It is a calculated way to offer just enough positivity to seem supportive while still landing a quiet blow to your confidence.
If you consistently leave conversations feeling worse than before, that is a red flag worth trusting.
8. They Seem Intrigued By Your Struggles
There is a noticeable difference between someone asking “how are you holding up?” out of genuine concern and someone who lights up the moment you mention something went wrong.
When a person seems almost energized by your bad news, asking follow-up questions with a little too much enthusiasm, something feels off.
Caring people ask questions to understand and support.
But when the curiosity feels more like entertainment than concern, your struggles may be feeding something unhealthy in them.
Trust your gut here.
If you notice someone perk up every time things go sideways for you, that reaction reveals more than their words ever will.
9. They Constantly Compare Themselves To You
Healthy friendships do not keep score.
But some people have a habit of turning your hard times into an opportunity to remind you how much better they are doing.
When you share a struggle, they respond with their own highlight reel instead of a listening ear.
This kind of comparison is not accidental — it is a way of using your lows to elevate their own sense of worth.
Rather than offering encouragement, they position themselves above you.
Over time, these interactions leave you feeling smaller instead of supported.
A relationship built on competition rather than compassion is one worth reevaluating honestly and carefully.
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