Boomers Think These 9 Phrases Are Encouraging—Their Adult Children Disagree

Parents often say things they believe will help, yet their words sometimes have the opposite effect.

What sounds encouraging to Baby Boomers can land as dismissive or even hurtful to their adult children.

These generational differences in communication reveal how much language and emotional expectations have shifted, creating tension where support was intended.

1. “Just get over it.”

Boomers often say this to encourage resilience and forward momentum.

In their view, dwelling on problems prevents progress, and the best approach is moving on quickly.

Unfortunately, this lands as emotional shutdown.

It implies that feelings are inconvenient burdens rather than legitimate experiences deserving attention.

The phrase suggests the person is choosing to stay stuck when they should simply decide to feel better.

Healing doesn’t work on command, though.

Adult children understand that processing emotions takes time and can’t be rushed.

True encouragement provides patience and space for feelings, recognizing that moving forward happens after—not instead of—working through pain.

2. “At least you have…”

When someone shares a struggle, Boomers often respond with this phrase to highlight the positives.

They genuinely believe pointing out blessings will lift spirits and provide perspective on what’s going well.

Yet this approach tends to minimize real pain. Instead of acknowledging emotions, it rushes past them toward forced gratitude.

The person sharing feels unheard, as if their struggles don’t deserve attention or validation.

Younger generations value emotional honesty over silver linings.

They need space to feel difficult emotions without immediately being redirected to count blessings.

Authentic support starts with listening, not comparing pain to determine whose situation warrants sympathy.

3. “You’re too sensitive.”

Boomer parents might use these words thinking they’re toughening up their kids for a harsh world.

They grew up in an era that valued emotional restraint and viewed sensitivity as weakness.

This phrase invalidates feelings entirely.

It shifts blame from the situation to the person’s reaction, suggesting their emotions are the real problem.

Rather than offering reassurance, it creates shame around having feelings at all.

Modern understanding recognizes emotional intelligence as strength, not weakness.

Adult children want their feelings acknowledged as valid, regardless of intensity.

Supportive responses honor emotions rather than labeling them as excessive or problematic.

4. “It’s for your own good.”

Parents say this phrase believing they’re showing love and protection.

They want their adult children to know they care enough to guide them toward better choices.

However, this statement often backfires completely.

It sounds controlling rather than caring, as though the parent knows better than the adult child about their own life.

The phrase dismisses personal autonomy and suggests that feelings don’t matter as much as following parental advice.

Adult children hear this and feel infantilized.

They want support that respects their ability to make decisions, even mistakes.

True encouragement acknowledges independence while offering guidance, not commands disguised as concern.

5. “I’m just being honest.”

Did you know that honesty without kindness is just cruelty in disguise?

Boomers frequently use this phrase after delivering blunt criticism, believing directness equals helpfulness and that sugarcoating serves no one.

The problem is that this statement becomes an excuse for hurtful comments.

It positions honesty as more important than compassion, making the speaker feel justified in causing pain.

The person receiving the criticism feels attacked rather than supported.

Adult children recognize that honesty and kindness aren’t mutually exclusive.

Constructive feedback considers both truth and delivery.

Genuine support offers honest perspectives wrapped in respect and care, not brutal observations defended by claims of authenticity.

6. “When I was your age…”

These four words instantly signal a lecture is coming.

Boomers share stories from their youth hoping to inspire through example, showing how they overcame similar challenges with determination and grit.

However, these comparisons usually sound like judgment.

They subtly imply the adult child is falling short or approaching life incorrectly.

Economic realities, social expectations, and opportunities have changed dramatically, making direct comparisons unfair and irrelevant.

Younger generations face entirely different circumstances—housing costs, student debt, and job markets their parents never navigated.

Encouragement that ignores context feels disconnected from reality.

Meaningful support acknowledges different challenges rather than measuring everyone against outdated standards.

7. “You should be grateful.”

Boomer parents say this believing they’re teaching appreciation and perspective.

They want their children to recognize privileges and advantages rather than focusing on complaints.

This phrase transforms gratitude into obligation, though.

It makes someone feel guilty for struggling, as if acknowledging hardship means they’re ungrateful for what they have.

The statement shuts down honest conversation about difficulties.

Gratitude and struggle can coexist—feeling thankful for some things doesn’t erase legitimate challenges in other areas.

Adult children want permission to experience complex emotions without guilt.

Supportive responses allow space for both appreciation and difficulty without demanding one cancel out the other.

8. “We only want what’s best for you.”

Parents use “we” thinking it shows united family support.

They believe presenting a unified front demonstrates how much everyone cares and wants the adult child to succeed and thrive.

The collective language actually adds pressure, though.

It makes the adult child feel outnumbered and ganged up on rather than supported.

The phrase implies their own judgment about what’s best for their life matters less than the family’s opinion.

Adult children want to make decisions without feeling like they’re disappointing an entire committee.

Encouragement respects individual choices even when they differ from parental preferences.

True support trusts that adults can determine their own best path.

9. “If I didn’t care, I wouldn’t say anything.”

Boomers frame criticism as proof of love with this statement.

In their minds, staying silent would mean indifference, while speaking up—even harshly—demonstrates investment in their child’s wellbeing.

This logic makes adult children feel obligated to accept hurtful comments.

It positions criticism as a gift they should appreciate rather than feedback they can reject.

The phrase suggests that questioning the delivery means doubting the parent’s love.

Caring and criticism aren’t synonyms, though.

Adult children understand that love can be shown through encouragement, not just correction.

Genuine support offers constructive feedback without demanding gratitude for pointing out flaws.

Healthy relationships separate caring from the right to criticize freely.