Mary Murphy
Confidence is not about being loud, skinny, or constantly “on.”
It is about showing up in your body like you belong there, because you do.
For curvy women, power often gets mislabeled as “too much,” even when it is simply presence.
The good news is that presence is something you can practice in small, repeatable ways.
Body language is one of the fastest tools for shifting how you feel and how others respond to you.
You do not need to change your shape to change the energy you carry into a room.
These simple cues help you look grounded, capable, and self-assured without performing confidence.
Try one at a time, because tiny adjustments add up to a completely different vibe.
1. Claim space on purpose (no shrinking)
Taking up room is a signal that you feel entitled to be there, and that energy reads as power.
Instead of folding inward, let your shoulders rest wide and keep your elbows comfortably away from your torso.
When you sit, allow your back to meet the chair and place your hands where they look intentional, not hidden.
This is not about exaggerating your posture, because forced “big” can look tense instead of confident.
It is about removing the apology from your stance so your body stops whispering “I’m trying not to bother anyone.”
If you catch yourself shrinking in photos or meetings, reset by lengthening your spine and relaxing your jaw.
The more you practice, the more natural it becomes to occupy space without overthinking it.
That quiet comfort is what makes people assume you are in charge.
2. Drop the “protective arm cross” and switch to a “grounded hold”
Many of us cross our arms out of habit, especially when we feel exposed or self-conscious.
The problem is that a tight cross can read as guarded, even when you simply want to feel secure.
A better option is to keep your front open while giving your hands a purposeful “home.”
Try gently holding one wrist at your waist, resting a hand on your bag strap, or letting your fingers interlace low.
These positions calm nervous energy and prevent the fidgeting that can make you seem uncertain.
They also keep your posture open, which makes you look more approachable and more confident at the same time.
If you need extra grounding, pair the hold with a slow inhale and a relaxed shoulder drop.
You will feel steadier, and your presence will look more self-assured.
3. Plant your feet like you mean it
Stability shows up before you ever speak, and your feet are the foundation of that message.
When your weight shifts constantly, it can accidentally signal nerves, impatience, or a desire to disappear.
Set your stance at about hip width, and distribute your weight evenly so your body looks settled.
This instantly reduces fidgeting because you are not relying on movement to burn off tension.
It also makes your posture look more intentional, which people interpret as competence and confidence.
If you are standing in heels, focus on grounding through the balls of your feet without locking your knees.
In conversation, keep your feet pointed toward the person you are engaging with to show presence and interest.
A steady base makes your whole energy feel calmer, stronger, and harder to ignore.
4. Lead with your chest, not your chin
A powerful posture often comes from small alignment changes rather than dramatic “stand up straight” commands.
Bring attention to your sternum by lifting it slightly, as if you are making space for a deep breath.
At the same time, keep your chin level so you do not tip into either insecurity or arrogance.
This combination creates an open, confident silhouette that reads as leadership in any setting.
It also improves how clothing sits on your body, because slumping can bunch fabric and exaggerate discomfort.
If you feel yourself tightening, soften your shoulders down and back without forcing them into a military pose.
Imagine a string gently lengthening the crown of your head while your ribs stay relaxed and natural.
The result looks effortless, and effortless is exactly what people associate with power.
5. Use the “slow scan” eye contact
When you rush into speaking, you can accidentally give the impression that you are seeking permission.
Before you talk, let your gaze land calmly on two or three people as if you are “reading the room.”
This brief scan signals composure, because it shows you are not afraid of attention or connection.
Keep your expression neutral-to-warm, and avoid darting your eyes like you are searching for approval.
If direct eye contact feels intense, aim for the space between someone’s eyes for a similar effect.
While listening, nod slowly instead of constantly, because frantic nodding can look like overcompensating.
Pair the eye contact with a steady breath so your face stays relaxed and your voice stays even.
That calm focus makes people lean in, because it feels like you have something worth hearing.
6. Keep your hands visible and move them on purpose
Hidden hands often read as uncertainty, even if you are simply unsure what to do with them.
Keeping your hands visible helps you look more trustworthy, more engaged, and more in control.
Use open-palmed gestures when you speak, and let your movements support your words rather than compete with them.
If you tend to talk with your hands, slow your gestures down so they look deliberate instead of frantic.
When you are not gesturing, place your hands in a clear resting position like your lap, a tabletop, or a relaxed clasp.
Avoid tugging at clothes or accessories, because that signals discomfort and pulls attention away from your message.
If you feel nervous, lightly press your fingertips together to create a subtle “steeple” without looking stiff.
Purposeful hands make your whole presence look polished and confident.
7. Master the power pause
Rushing to answer can make you seem unsure, even when you actually know exactly what you think.
A confident response often starts with a beat of silence that shows you are choosing your words on purpose.
Take one breath, let your face stay relaxed, and give a small nod before you begin speaking.
That pause creates authority because it implies you are not reacting, you are deciding.
It also gives your brain time to organize your point, which makes you sound clearer and more persuasive.
If someone interrupts, pause again instead of speeding up, because steady pacing communicates control.
In social settings, the same pause can make your humor land better and your boundaries feel firmer.
Silence used intentionally is not awkward, because it is one of the clearest forms of confidence.
8. Walk like a metronome: slower, steadier, quieter
A controlled walk is one of the quickest ways to signal self-possession without saying a word.
Instead of rushing, choose a slightly slower pace and let your steps feel even, like a steady rhythm.
Keep your shoulders relaxed, your arms loose, and your gaze forward rather than down at the floor.
This creates a calm “centered” energy that makes people assume you know where you are going.
It also helps your outfit move smoothly, which can make you feel more comfortable and less self-conscious.
If you tend to stomp when you are anxious, soften your stride and focus on quiet footfalls.
Think of your walk as arriving, not chasing, because chasing always reads as stress.
When you move with ease, your confidence becomes the first thing people notice.
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