Stop Saying These 10 Things to Someone Going Through Divorce

Stop Saying These 10 Things to Someone Going Through Divorce

Going through a divorce is one of the hardest times in a person’s life, filled with stress, sadness, and uncertainty.

Friends and family often want to help but sometimes say things that hurt more than they comfort. Knowing what not to say can make all the difference in supporting someone during this difficult journey.

1. At Least You Don’t Have Kids

Pain isn’t a competition, and minimizing someone’s suffering never helps. Whether a couple has children or not, divorce represents the end of dreams, promises, and a shared future. The emotional toll is real regardless of circumstances.

People without children still grieve the loss of their marriage deeply. They mourn what could have been and face loneliness just like anyone else. Comparing different types of pain dismisses their valid feelings.

Instead of ranking hardships, simply acknowledge their struggle. A better response might be asking how they’re coping or offering specific help like bringing dinner over.

2. I Knew They Were Wrong for You

Looking back and criticizing her choices only digs deeper into the hurt. She married that person for a reason, and reminding her of your doubts is basically a loud “I told you so.”

This comment also suggests they made a foolish decision, which damages their confidence when it’s already shaken. They’re likely replaying every moment, wondering where things went wrong. Your criticism only amplifies their self-doubt.

Be supportive without being critical of their past choices. Focus on their future and healing rather than dwelling on what you supposedly saw coming.

3. You’re Better Off Without Them

Even when a marriage ends badly, the person grieving may still have loving feelings mixed with hurt. Declaring someone better off dismisses the complexity of their emotions. Divorce isn’t black and white, and neither are the feelings that come with it.

Your friend might agree with you someday, but right now they’re mourning. They need space to process their conflicting emotions without being told how to feel. Rushing them toward positivity before they’re ready can feel invalidating.

Let them express whatever they’re feeling—anger, sadness, or even lingering love. Validate their emotions instead of trying to fast-forward through their grief with forced optimism.

4. Everything Happens for a Reason

Clichés rarely comfort anyone going through real pain. When someone’s world is falling apart, suggesting there’s some cosmic plan feels dismissive of their current suffering. They don’t need philosophy; they need compassion and practical support.

This phrase implies they should accept their pain without question, which isn’t helpful. Sometimes bad things happen without a grand reason, and that’s okay to acknowledge. Pretending otherwise can make people feel worse about struggling.

Skip the platitudes and offer genuine presence instead. Sometimes the best thing you can say is simply, “This is really hard, and I’m here for you.”

5. When Are You Going to Start Dating Again?

Rushing someone into dating before they’re ready shows a lack of understanding about healing timelines. Everyone processes divorce differently, and some people need months or even years before they’re emotionally available again. Pressuring them into dating can actually slow their recovery.

This question also suggests that finding a new partner is the solution to their pain. True healing comes from within, not from replacing one relationship with another. They need time to rediscover themselves as an individual first.

Respect their journey and let them move at their own pace. When they’re ready, they’ll know without anyone pushing them toward it.

6. Marriage Is Hard Work Anyway

Divorces aren’t a “lack of effort” contest. Most people try everything under the sun to make it work. Saying otherwise is like telling someone their storm wasn’t real—when they’ve already weathered a hurricane.

Sometimes marriages end despite both people working incredibly hard. Incompatibility, growing apart, or serious issues like abuse can’t always be fixed with effort. Blaming them for not trying hard enough adds unnecessary guilt.

Acknowledge their courage for making a difficult decision instead. Ending an unhealthy marriage often takes more strength than staying in one out of obligation or fear.

7. Have You Tried Couples Therapy?

By the time someone announces their divorce, they’ve usually exhausted all options. Chances are they’ve already tried therapy, possibly multiple times. Suggesting it now implies you think they haven’t done enough to save things, which feels judgmental.

This question also puts them in the position of having to explain and justify their decision. They don’t owe anyone a detailed account of everything they attempted before choosing divorce. Trust that they made the best decision for themselves.

Instead of offering unsolicited advice, respect that they’ve thought this through carefully. Your role is to support their decision, not second-guess it or suggest alternatives.

8. At Least You’re Still Young

Age doesn’t make heartbreak hurt any less. Whether someone is 25 or 55, losing a marriage is painful and life-changing. This comment minimizes their current pain by focusing on future possibilities they’re not ready to consider yet.

It also suggests that their marriage didn’t matter as much because they have time to try again. Every relationship matters to the person who lived it, regardless of timing. Their grief deserves validation, not dismissal based on their age.

Focus on their present feelings rather than their future prospects. What they need now is empathy for what they’re losing, not reassurance about what might come later.

9. You Should Take Everything from Them

Encouraging revenge or financial warfare makes an already difficult situation worse. Most people going through divorce want to move forward peacefully, especially if children are involved. Pushing them toward hostility creates more stress and prolongs their pain.

This advice also assumes you know what’s best for their situation, which you probably don’t. Every divorce has unique circumstances, and aggressive tactics aren’t always appropriate or beneficial. They need to make decisions based on their values, not your anger.

Support their choices without pushing your own agenda. If they want to be fair and amicable, respect that approach even if you’d handle things differently.

10. You’ll Find Someone Better

Right now, your friend isn’t thinking about finding someone new. They’re grieving the person they already lost and the life they built together. Talking about future relationships when they’re still processing current pain feels tone-deaf and dismissive.

This comment also suggests that a new relationship will fix everything, which isn’t true. Healing requires time, self-reflection, and personal growth, not just replacing one partner with another. They need to focus on themselves first, not on finding someone better.

Be present for where they are now rather than where you think they should be. Listen more than you offer solutions, and let them lead conversations about their future.