12 Things to Do When You Can’t Get Over a Breakup

12 Things to Do When You Can’t Get Over a Breakup

Breakups can feel like the end of the world. That crushing pain in your chest, the memories that won’t stop playing in your head, and the emptiness where your relationship used to be can be overwhelming. Whether it was a short fling or a long-term partnership, moving on is rarely easy. Here are twelve practical ways to help you heal when your heart feels permanently broken.

1. Feel Your Feelings Fully

Bottling up emotions only makes them explode later. Allow yourself to cry, scream into pillows, or just sit with your sadness when it comes. This isn’t wallowing—it’s processing.

Many people rush to “get over it” without actually working through their grief. Your feelings are valid messengers telling you what mattered to you.

Set aside specific times to feel everything, like 30 minutes each evening. This gives your emotions space while preventing them from taking over your entire day.

2. Cut Contact Completely

Every time you check their profile or scroll through old texts, it sets you back. Do yourself a favor—unfollow, delete, and pack away anything that keeps the connection alive.

The urge to reach out comes from your brain craving the dopamine hit they once provided. Each time you resist, new neural pathways form that help you move forward.

Many successful recoveries start with a clean 90-day no-contact rule. This gives your heart the space it needs to start healing without constant reminders.

3. Move Your Body Daily

Exercise releases endorphins that naturally combat depression and anxiety. Even a 20-minute walk can shift your emotional state when heartbreak feels overwhelming.

Your body stores emotional pain physically. Movement helps release tension that accumulates in your muscles and nervous system during stressful periods.

Try activities that require full concentration, like boxing, dancing, or rock climbing. These engage your mind completely, giving you brief but powerful breaks from ruminating thoughts about your ex.

4. Rebuild Your Identity

It’s easy to lose parts of yourself in a relationship. Now you get to reconnect with who you are on your own. Make a list of things you’ve always wanted to try but didn’t because of your relationship.

Maybe your ex hated sci-fi movies, or perhaps they weren’t interested in traveling to places you dreamed of visiting.

Start small by changing your hairstyle or rearranging your living space. These visible changes signal to your brain that transformation is happening and help you see yourself as an individual again rather than half of a former couple.

5. Create New Routines

Going to the same places you shared just keeps the past alive. Replace those habits with something new, like trying a different café or cooking breakfast for yourself.

Our brains crave familiarity, which is why we keep revisiting memories of ex-partners. By deliberately creating new patterns, you’re helping your mind form fresh neural connections not associated with your past relationship.

Morning routines are especially powerful for setting your daily emotional tone. Consider starting each day with five minutes of gratitude journaling to shift focus from what you’ve lost to what you still have.

6. Lean On Your Support System

Friends and family can provide perspective when you’re stuck in a loop of self-blame or romanticizing the relationship. Their outside viewpoint is invaluable.

Research shows that social connection actually helps reduce physical pain. The comfort of trusted loved ones can literally make your heartache less intense.

Be specific about what you need. Sometimes you want advice, while other times you just need someone to listen without trying to fix things. Telling friends which type of support you’re looking for helps them help you more effectively.

7. Start a Healing Project

Channel your emotions into something constructive. Write poetry, build furniture, or plant a garden – creating something new from your pain gives it purpose.

Creative expression accesses parts of your brain that logical thinking can’t reach. This helps process complex emotions that might be difficult to put into words.

Choose something with a clear beginning and end. Completing a project gives you a sense of accomplishment and control when other aspects of life feel chaotic and unmanageable.

8. Practice Self-Compassion

The inner critic gets louder after rejection. Talk to yourself like you would a friend going through heartbreak – with kindness and understanding.

Self-compassion isn’t self-pity. It’s acknowledging your pain without judgment and recognizing that suffering is part of the shared human experience.

Try placing a hand on your heart when negative thoughts arise. This simple gesture activates your body’s caregiving response and releases oxytocin, helping to soothe your nervous system during moments of harsh self-criticism.

9. Limit Reminiscing Time

Set a timer for 15 minutes when you need to process memories. When time’s up, deliberately shift to a present-focused activity.

Memories aren’t always accurate. We tend to idealize the good parts of relationships while minimizing problems, especially right after a breakup.

Keep a reality-check list on your phone of reasons the relationship ended or problems you experienced. Review this when nostalgia threatens to overwhelm your rational thinking and pull you back into fantasy about what might have been.

10. Volunteer Your Time

When you help someone else, you gain perspective and start to heal. Volunteering—whether it’s with animals, food distribution, or local gardens—can make a real difference for both of you.

Studies show that volunteering activates reward centers in the brain, providing natural mood elevation. The social connections formed while volunteering also combat the isolation many feel after breakups.

Choose causes that align with your values rather than just distractions. Meaningful service creates a sense of purpose that can help fill the void left by your relationship’s end.

11. Explore Therapy Options

Professional support helps when you’re stuck in grief longer than expected. Therapists provide tools tailored to your specific situation and emotional patterns.

Different approaches work for different people. Cognitive-behavioral therapy helps change thought patterns, while EMDR can process traumatic relationship experiences.

Online therapy makes help more accessible than ever. Many platforms offer messaging options, video sessions, and specialized breakup recovery programs that can be done from home on your own schedule.

12. Write a Goodbye Letter

Pour everything unsaid into a letter you’ll never send. Express your anger, gratitude, regrets, and wishes without filters or consequences.

The act of writing helps your brain process emotions and create coherent narratives from confusing experiences. This brings closure even without the other person’s participation.

After writing, perform a symbolic release ritual. Some people burn the letter while others release it tied to a balloon or bury it. This physical act helps your subconscious understand that you’re choosing to let go.