17 Things You Say That Narcissists Secretly Love

17 Things You Say That Narcissists Secretly Love

When dealing with narcissists, it’s easy to get caught in a psychological web without even realizing it. Narcissists are experts at twisting words, manipulating emotions, and leveraging compliments or confessions to inflate their ego. The most dangerous part? Sometimes the things you say out of kindness, empathy, or vulnerability are exactly what they’re waiting to hear.

1. “I don’t want to upset you.”

Expressing a desire to keep the peace sounds noble, but to a narcissist, it signals submission. They take it as proof that you’re willing to bend over backward just to avoid confrontation.

Instead of fostering harmony, this comment hands them the emotional upper hand. They know you’ll tiptoe around their feelings and walk on eggshells to keep them happy.

The more you prioritize their emotional stability over your own, the more power they hold. Narcissists thrive on others accommodating them, and this phrase confirms you’re already playing their game.

2. “You were right.”

Acknowledging someone’s correctness can be a healthy part of conversation—unless you’re talking to a narcissist. This simple phrase feeds their ego like gasoline on a fire.

To them, being right isn’t just about accuracy; it’s about superiority. Each time you say it, they tuck it away as proof of their dominance, their intelligence, their control.

What’s worse is they’ll use it to dismiss your future concerns. “Remember when you said I was right?” becomes their shield against accountability. They don’t hear humility—they hear surrender.

3. “I need your help.”

Admitting that you need assistance can open the door to compassion—or to manipulation. Narcissists interpret this as an opportunity to assert control and inflate their importance.

The more you rely on them, the more indispensable they feel. They may even purposely complicate things just so you come back for more help.

Instead of genuine support, what you’ll often get is a favor with strings attached. They’ll remind you of their generosity later to guilt you into doing what they want. Dependency, not kindness, is the currency they crave.

4. “You’re amazing at that.”

Compliments are like catnip to narcissists. When you praise their skills, even casually, it reinforces the inflated image they already have of themselves.

Rather than accepting your words with humility, they treat them as validation that they are superior to others. They might even fish for more, pushing you to repeat or expand on your praise.

Over time, they may start expecting constant admiration. Your compliment isn’t just a kind remark—it becomes their standard of attention. Say it once, and they’ll want to hear it again and again.

5. “Tell me what to do.”

Seeking guidance from someone can feel respectful, but in the hands of a narcissist, it turns into ammunition. They interpret it as surrendering your autonomy.

This gives them the authority they crave, turning the relationship into a hierarchy with them perched firmly at the top. They won’t just guide—you’ll find they start dictating.

What begins as advice soon evolves into control. They’ll remind you how lost you were without them, solidifying your role as follower and theirs as leader. And they’ll expect you to stay in that role permanently.

6. “You’re not like anyone else.”

This kind of flattery cuts straight to a narcissist’s favorite fantasy: that they are unique and superior to everyone around them. They don’t want to fit in—they want to rise above.

When you say this, you’re not just praising them—you’re fueling their need to be seen as one-of-a-kind, special, irreplaceable. It becomes a badge they wear with pride.

Worse, they may use this against you later. “No one treats you like I do,” or “You’ll never find someone like me again,” becomes a threat masked as reassurance.

7. “I couldn’t do this without you.”

Gratitude is one thing—but when it tips into dependence, a narcissist sees opportunity. They interpret this as confirmation that you need them to function.

Rather than feeling honored, they feel entitled. Your success, your stability, even your peace of mind are now things they believe they control.

They may use this line to reinforce the idea that you owe them. It’s no longer just support—it’s leverage. And once they have that, they rarely let go without extracting a cost.

8. “I’m sorry, it was my fault.”

Even when an apology is genuine, narcissists twist it into a tool. They don’t just hear regret—they hear you accepting blame and giving them the moral high ground.

This reinforces their belief that they’re never at fault. And once you start taking responsibility for things that aren’t yours, they expect it all the time.

They may even provoke guilt to get another apology out of you. In their world, your remorse equals their power. It’s not about reconciliation—it’s about control.

9. “You’re so much better than my ex/friends/family.”

Comparison can be a dangerous game, especially with narcissists. This phrase inflates their ego while subtly giving them the license to alienate you from others.

They don’t just hear praise—they hear proof that they’ve “won.” They’ll take this as permission to isolate you and position themselves as the most important person in your life.

Soon, they may use this perceived superiority to manipulate you. “They never treated you right—but I do” becomes a way to justify bad behavior and keep you dependent.

10. “You’re so misunderstood.”

Everyone wants to feel seen—but for narcissists, this line feeds their carefully curated victim complex. They love to think that no one appreciates them except you.

Saying this reinforces their narrative that the world has wronged them. You’re not just supporting them; you’re joining their delusion.

This dynamic allows them to escape accountability. If they’re always misunderstood, then they’re never responsible for the harm they cause. You become their defender—often against people who were actually trying to help you.

11. “I just want peace.”

Desiring calm and resolution is healthy—until it becomes a tool narcissists use to silence you. When they know you’ll do anything to avoid conflict, they gain leverage.

They interpret this as a sign that you’ll fold under pressure. Rather than working toward peace, they weaponize your discomfort with confrontation.

Eventually, they’ll provoke chaos just to watch you scramble for resolution. And in the process, you’ll find yourself compromising, apologizing, and retreating just to keep things quiet. That’s not peace—it’s submission.

12. “I’ll do anything to fix this.”

Trying to salvage a relationship can feel noble, but narcissists twist this into a blank check. It tells them you’re willing to bend your values, needs, or boundaries to keep them around.

Instead of working with you to resolve issues, they’ll use this desperation to demand more—more attention, more sacrifice, more control.

The more you give, the less they respect you. Fixing things becomes your job, not theirs. And they’ll rarely meet you halfway because they already feel like they’ve “won” the power struggle.

13. “I should’ve listened to you.”

Acknowledging someone’s advice isn’t inherently bad—but for narcissists, it confirms their superiority. They don’t hear a lesson learned—they hear a mistake they warned you about, and now they get to gloat.

Rather than offering empathy, they often respond with condescension: “I told you so.” Your regret becomes their validation.

This kind of response reinforces their belief that they’re always right and you’re always a step behind. It discourages open dialogue and reinforces an imbalanced dynamic where you’re the student and they’re the master.

14. “I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

On the surface, this sounds romantic or loyal. But in a narcissist’s ears, it’s confirmation of their power over you. They hear that you’re emotionally, financially, or psychologically dependent on them.

This allows them to push boundaries, knowing you’re unlikely to walk away. The more you feel lost without them, the more they can shape your world.

They may even create chaos just to keep you feeling unsure—then swoop in as your only savior. It’s a toxic cycle of destabilization and rescue that keeps them in charge.

15. “You make me feel so lucky.”

Expressing appreciation can be beautiful—unless it reinforces a narcissist’s inflated view of themselves. This phrase becomes more than gratitude; it becomes proof that they’re a “prize.”

Instead of cherishing your admiration, they begin to expect it. You’re lucky to have them? Then they must be entitled to more leeway, less criticism, and endless praise.

Over time, this kind of flattery leads to imbalance. They give less while demanding more, all because you were “lucky” to begin with. It stops being mutual and starts being transactional.

16. “I’ll change if that’s what you want.”

Adapting in a relationship can be healthy, but this level of compliance is music to a narcissist’s ears. They don’t want growth—they want control over your identity.

When you offer to change just to please them, you reinforce the idea that their approval is more important than your authenticity.

They’ll take this as permission to mold you into what they want—often someone quieter, smaller, easier to manipulate. Before long, you may not recognize yourself. And they’ll make sure you never feel free to change back.

17. “No one else makes me feel this way.”

Romantic as it sounds, this phrase confirms to narcissists that they’re exceptional and irreplaceable. It feeds their need to feel like the center of your emotional universe.

They’ll latch onto this and use it to justify mistreatment. “You said no one else makes you feel this way,” they’ll remind you—often after crossing a boundary.

Instead of being a sweet sentiment, it becomes a trap. The moment you try to pull away, they’ll throw your words back at you as evidence that you can’t live without them.