How to Be Truly Independent: 20 Ways to Stop Caring About the Approval of Others

How to Be Truly Independent: 20 Ways to Stop Caring About the Approval of Others

Approval can feel addictive—like a high-five for your identity. But chasing it often comes at the cost of your independence, authenticity, and peace. Constantly seeking others’ validation keeps you stuck in a loop of self-doubt, tiptoeing through life in shoes that don’t fit. Becoming truly independent doesn’t mean cutting everyone off or being indifferent to feedback. It means trusting yourself enough to make decisions, speak your truth, and live in alignment with your values—regardless of who’s watching.

1. Set Boundaries Without Apology

Too often, people-pleasing disguises itself as kindness. But real kindness includes being kind to yourself—which means setting boundaries.

You don’t owe anyone a detailed explanation for protecting your time, energy, or peace. Learning to say “no” without guilt isn’t rude; it’s mature. Not everyone will like it, and that’s okay. You weren’t put on this planet to meet everyone’s expectations.

Boundaries are your personal limits, and enforcing them communicates self-respect. When you stop apologizing for them, you send a message that your needs matter just as much as anyone else’s.

2. Get Comfortable with Being Misunderstood

No matter how clear you think you are, some people will twist your words, misread your motives, or simply not “get” you.

Trying to explain yourself endlessly is exhausting and unnecessary. Misunderstandings are part of being human, and letting go of the need to control others’ perceptions is a major step toward emotional freedom.

You’ll gain confidence once you stop over-explaining and start allowing others to form their own opinions—while staying rooted in what you know to be true.

3. Make Decisions Based on Values, Not Validation

It’s tempting to measure your choices by how many people will approve. But that kind of thinking can quietly lead you away from your true self.

Your values are your internal compass. When decisions align with them, they tend to bring satisfaction, even when they’re unpopular. Validation, on the other hand, is fickle and temporary.

Start by asking, “Is this decision true to who I want to be?” rather than “Will this get me praise?” That one shift changes everything.

4. Stop Seeking Permission to Live Your Life

You don’t need a green light from others to go after what matters to you. Waiting for approval is like handing the steering wheel of your life to someone else.

People often hesitate because they fear judgment or failure. But independence is built through action—especially when it’s uncomfortable. The longer you wait for someone to tell you it’s okay, the longer you postpone your growth.

Trust your instincts. You are the only one who can give yourself permission to fully live.

5. Embrace Your “Weird” Side

The parts of yourself you hide might be the ones that make you unforgettable. Yet, many people suppress their quirks to blend in and be liked.

Being “weird” simply means being different—and that’s a strength, not a flaw. Authenticity invites the right people and repels the wrong ones. Trying to mold yourself into something more palatable usually leads to a duller, more anxious version of you.

Let your originality show. The more you embrace it, the less you’ll need external validation to feel worthy.

6. Limit Social Media Validation

Online platforms have made external validation a daily ritual. But likes, shares, and comments don’t define your value or authenticity.

It’s easy to fall into the trap of curating a version of yourself designed for approval. When your self-worth depends on digital applause, you give too much power to strangers and algorithms.

Take breaks. Post less. Reflect more. Real confidence grows when you focus on how you feel about yourself—not how you’re perceived online.

7. Practice Doing Things Alone

Spending time with yourself builds a level of independence no external approval can match. It teaches you to enjoy your own company without needing validation from others.

Going to the movies, eating out, or traveling solo might feel awkward at first—but it’s incredibly empowering. You learn to trust your instincts, hear your own thoughts, and make decisions without a crowd.

Confidence flourishes in solitude. It reminds you that you’re whole, even without constant companionship.

8. Redefine Success in Your Own Terms

Cultural norms often dictate what success “should” look like. But trying to live up to someone else’s definition will leave you feeling like an imposter in your own life.

Whether it’s career, lifestyle, or relationships, success is subjective. Maybe for you, it’s peace, balance, or creative freedom. That counts—more than society’s boxes ever will.

Give yourself permission to define what winning looks like in your world, not theirs

9. Learn to Sit with Discomfort

Judgment stings—but it doesn’t have to control you. Discomfort is a natural part of growth and rejection.

The more you tolerate discomfort, the more resilient you become. You realize it’s not fatal—it’s just feedback, and often not even accurate. Many people fear stepping outside the norm because they assume rejection will destroy them.

But when you lean into discomfort instead of avoiding it, you discover it loses its grip

10. Celebrate Progress, Not Perfection

Perfectionism is often rooted in the fear of being criticized. If everything is flawless, no one can judge it—right?

Wrong. Even perfection gets judged. And aiming for it can paralyze you, especially when your efforts go unnoticed. Instead, start honoring your progress—big or small. Every step forward is a win, even if it’s messy.

You don’t need perfect to be proud. Growth is what matters, not applause.

11. Hang Out with People Who Accept You Fully

Surrounding yourself with people who love you for who you are—not who you perform to be—makes independence easier to cultivate.

When you’re around those who accept your quirks, flaws, and truths, the need for approval naturally fades. You feel safe being genuine, not strategic. On the other hand, relationships that require constant self-editing are emotional drainers.

Build your circle with people who make you feel free, not scrutinized. That environment nurtures self-trust and authenticity.

12. Challenge the Need to Explain Yourself

Explanations can become a form of seeking permission. The more you justify your choices, the more you teach yourself that they’re not valid on their own.

Sometimes, a calm and confident “this is what works for me” is all that’s needed. You don’t need to convince others to agree with your path in order for it to be right for you.

Resist the urge to over-explain. Let your life speak for itself.

13. Accept That You’ll Never Please Everyone

No matter how hard you try, someone will always disapprove. That’s not a reflection of your worth—it’s just human nature.

People view the world through their own lenses. What delights one may offend another. Living to appease everyone will leave you exhausted and resentful.

Once you accept that universal approval is impossible, you free yourself from the pressure to achieve it.

14. Speak Your Truth—Even if Your Voice Shakes

Being honest about who you are and what you believe is one of the most courageous things you can do. It also invites criticism.

Yet silence can be a bigger burden than disapproval. When you withhold your truth to maintain peace, you trade authenticity for comfort—and that price is steep.

Speak anyway. Not everyone will agree, but the right people will respect you more for it.

15. Take Responsibility for Your Choices

Blaming others for your decisions—good or bad—keeps you stuck in a cycle of dependency. Owning your choices, on the other hand, gives you real power.

Independence means standing behind what you do, even when it doesn’t pan out perfectly. It’s okay to make mistakes; what matters is that they’re your mistakes, not ones made to please someone else.

Responsibility is freedom in disguise.

16. Keep Your Goals to Yourself

Sharing your plans can invite opinions, projections, and doubt—especially from people who don’t understand your vision.

Sometimes, the best way to stay true to your path is to walk it quietly. Let your actions speak. Protect your momentum by not putting it up for public vote.

Your goals don’t require a committee to be valid. They only need your commitment.

17. Unsubscribe from the Approval Trap

It’s easy to fall into habits that feed your need for validation—seeking compliments, playing roles, or second-guessing your gut.

Start noticing when you do these things. Pause. Ask yourself: “Am I doing this because it’s true to me or because I want someone to like me more?” Awareness is the first step toward change.

You don’t need constant reassurance. You need your own approval most.

18. Journal to Hear Your Own Voice Again

The noise of others’ opinions can drown out your inner wisdom. Writing helps you reconnect with it.

Use journaling as a private space to explore what you believe, want, and feel—without outside input. Over time, you’ll begin to recognize your own voice more clearly and confidently.

The better you know yourself, the less likely you’ll be swayed by others.

19. Seek Validation Internally, Not Externally

There’s a big difference between feeling valued and needing to be validated. The first is empowering; the second is imprisoning.

When you’re grounded in your self-worth, you stop looking to others to confirm your value. You begin to see feedback as insight—not as a verdict on your identity.

Practice self-affirmation. Validate your own efforts. Make it a habit to acknowledge your wins before anyone else does.

20. Remind Yourself: You’re Not for Everyone

Trying to be universally liked is like trying to speak every language at once—you end up misunderstood by all.

The truth is, not everyone will resonate with you. And that’s perfectly fine. You weren’t born to please the crowd—you were born to be yourself.

Own your story, even if not everyone claps. The right people will find you when you’re being real, not when you’re being agreeable.