Mary Murphy
Words have power—especially when they’re used to make you doubt yourself. Gaslighting happens when someone makes you question your own reality or feelings. These common phrases might seem harmless, but they can actually be tools for manipulation.
Recognizing them is the first step to protecting yourself from their harmful effects.
1. You’re too sensitive
This dismissive phrase invalidates your emotions and suggests there’s something wrong with your natural reactions. Instead of addressing the actual issue, the person shifts blame onto you for having feelings at all.
When someone says this, they’re avoiding responsibility for their actions by making your emotional response the problem. It’s a classic deflection tactic that leaves you questioning your own emotional compass.
Remember: Your feelings are valid indicators of how something affects you. A respectful conversation acknowledges emotions rather than dismissing them as a character flaw.
2. That never happened
Flat-out denial is gaslighting in its purest form. When someone tells you an event you clearly remember never occurred, they’re attempting to rewrite history and make you doubt your own memory.
This tactic is particularly damaging because it targets your ability to trust yourself. Over time, repeated denials can leave you constantly second-guessing your recollection of events, even when you’re certain.
Trust your memories. If necessary, keep records of important conversations or incidents so you have something concrete to reference when faced with this type of manipulation.
3. You’re imagining things
This phrase suggests you’re creating problems that don’t exist. It’s particularly harmful because it implies you can’t distinguish between reality and fiction—essentially questioning your sanity.
When someone uses this line, they’re shifting focus from their behavior to your perception. The goal? Making you doubt what you’ve observed so they don’t have to address it. Stand firm in your observations.
If you saw or heard something, acknowledge your experience as real, even if someone else tries to convince you otherwise. Your perceptions matter and deserve respect.
4. You’re overreacting
This loaded phrase implies your response is excessive compared to what the situation warrants. It’s a judgment that positions the speaker as the reasonable authority on how you should feel. The damaging part? It creates shame around your emotional responses.
You start policing your reactions to avoid being labeled as ‘too much,’ even when your feelings are completely appropriate. Everyone processes situations differently based on their experiences and sensitivity.
Your reaction is your reaction—there’s no universal ‘correct’ emotional response that someone else gets to define for you.
5. I was just joking
The classic backpedal after saying something hurtful. This phrase attempts to make you the problem for not ‘taking a joke’ rather than acknowledging the harmful comment.
It’s particularly manipulative because it creates a no-win situation: either accept the ‘joke’ and your hurt feelings, or protest and be labeled as someone who ‘can’t take a joke.’ This tactic often appears after racist, sexist, or personally attacking comments.
True jokes bring mutual laughter, not pain. If something hurts you, it’s perfectly reasonable to point that out, regardless of the supposed intent behind the words.
6. You’re remembering it wrong
Memory manipulation is a cornerstone of gaslighting. This phrase directly challenges your recollection of events, suggesting your mind is faulty while the speaker’s version is the accurate one. The insidious nature of this tactic is that memories naturally contain small inconsistencies.
Manipulators exploit this normal human trait to create wholesale doubt about your ability to remember anything correctly. When faced with this phrase, consider whether this is a pattern.
Everyone misremembers details occasionally, but if someone consistently tells you your memories are wrong—especially about important events—that’s a red flag.
7. Everyone agrees with me
Social pressure is a powerful manipulation tool. This phrase suggests you’re alone in your perspective while the manipulator has consensus on their side—whether that’s true or not. The tactic works by isolating you psychologically.
If ‘everyone’ thinks something, the implication is that you must be wrong. This creates doubt and can pressure you into changing your position to avoid being the outlier. Reality check: ‘Everyone’ rarely agrees on anything. This claim often falls apart when examined closely.
Your perspective has value regardless of whether others share it, and genuine consensus requires open discussion, not manipulation.
8. If you loved me, you’d…
Love shouldn’t come with ultimatums. This manipulative phrase weaponizes your affection, suggesting that if you don’t comply with a specific demand, your love isn’t real or sufficient.
The emotional blackmail here is clear: do what I want or I’ll question your feelings for me. It creates a false equivalence between love and compliance, putting you in a position where refusing the request means defending your feelings.
Healthy relationships respect boundaries and don’t use love as leverage. Someone who genuinely cares for you won’t repeatedly test your affection through demands or make their love conditional on your behavior.
9. Stop being so dramatic
This dismissive phrase belittles your concerns by framing them as theatrical overreactions rather than legitimate issues. It’s particularly common when you’re expressing hurt about something the other person did. The manipulation works by making you question whether your feelings are reasonable.
Over time, you might start downplaying your own emotions to avoid being labeled ‘dramatic’—essentially doing the gaslighter’s work for them. Having emotions doesn’t make you dramatic.
Expressing hurt, anger, or disappointment is normal human behavior, not a performance. Anyone who consistently frames your feelings this way is attempting to control which emotions you’re ‘allowed’ to express.
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