How to Compassionately Tell Your Kids They’re Adopted

As adoptive parents, raising children is an interesting journey, but one with a bump along the ride when the issue of adoption is raised. For many, adoption is a fulfilling path to parenthood. If you’re an adoptive parent, there may come a time in life when you need to tell your children that they are adopted. This list tells you how to address this important conversation with love and an open mind.

Start the Conversation About Adoption Early

Embracing open and early communication about your kids’ adoption is an important step to take on this journey. If you start early, your kids will have time to process it and ask questions. It’s okay to be scared, as it means you’re about to make a brave move towards opening up to your adopted children. Adoption is a part of their story, and starting the conversation early will foster a loving and supportive environment.

Be Honest and Clear About Adoption

When discussing adoption with your kids, you have to be honest and detailed with the information you share. Honesty is crucial when discussing adoption, but it’s important not to overwhelm your child with too much information at once. Provide clear answers to their questions,  and avoid sugarcoating or hiding facts. Let them know they can always come to you with more questions as they grow older.

Tell Them About Your Choice and Love For Them

Let them know the adoption process might have taken time, but your love for them was instant. This is a good way to make your kids know your decision to adopt them was born out of your love and desire to be their parent. Remind them that they were cherished from the first day of adoption and will be so till the end.

Tell Them the Adoption Story

When sharing the story of your kids’ adoption, make sure you include appropriate details for their age. Narrate how you met them for the first time and how excited you were to be their parents finally. Sharing this story will help them understand their place in the family. This narrative will be something they carry with them and can revisit as they grow.

Tell Them About Their Birth Parents

While sharing your children’s adoption story, keep it simple, but don’t forget to tell them about their birth parents. Be truthful about this even when the story around their birth parents seems challenging. Knowing about their birth parents can positively embrace their true identity other than the one given to them by you as their adopted parents.

Encourage Your Kids To Ask Questions

Be prepared because your kids will ask questions; if they don’t, encourage them to do so. Assure them that there are no wrong or bad questions. Be patient and open, answering each question with honesty and sensitivity. Let them know it’s okay to be curious and that you’re there to support them in understanding their adoption story.

Whatever Their Reaction Is, Keep Calm

It’s pretty tough for children to accept their adoption story when hearing it for the first time. Stay calm in this situation, patience is needed to manage your kids’ reactions after telling them the story. They could get confused, sad, or even angry, so you should show empathy and support. Give your kids time to process their feelings and reassure them that they are valid.

Introduce Your Kids To Resources About Adoption

You should buy resources (like books and video recordings) that explain the concept of adoption and how to accept it. These resources will share stories of other adopted children and how they dealt with their truth. These resources can teach your kids to embrace their adoption story without feeling alone. Also, you can use them as conversation starters, making it easier to discuss adoption. 

Reassure Your Kids of Your Love For Them

You know how you have to constantly tell your partner you love them, right? Use the same approach for your adopted kids. After discussing adoption, take extra steps to reinforce your bond with your child. Try to spend quality time together and remind them of your love and commitment. Affirm that they are a cherished and integral part of your family.

Normalize Adoption in Daily Life

Make adoption a normal and natural part of your family’s conversations. Avoid treating it as a taboo or secret topic; instead, integrate it into your everyday discussions. Celebrate adoption milestones and openly share adoption-related stories so your child feels comfortable with their identity. This ongoing normalization helps your child view adoption as a positive and proud aspect of their life.

Be Prepared To Re-visit This Conversation

The idea of revealing the truth behind your kids’ adoption is an ongoing conversation you have to deal with as your children grow up. This is not a discussion you’ll start and end in a day, so prepare your mind for this. There are times you will have to re-visit certain aspects of the adoption narrative and ensure you offer age-appropriate information at each stage of your kids’ development.

Seek Professional Guidance If Needed

Considering how important this conversation is, you must be open to seeking professional guidance. There are adoption counselors and family therapists who can be of help if your child is struggling to accept the conversation about their adoption. Adoption support groups are also helpful. When you seek professional support, your child will have trust in your intentions about their adoption story.

Walk The Journey Together

After all is said and done, you should embrace walking through the journey with your kids. On this journey, you’ll have to be patient, as stated earlier, and open to constant communication with your kids. Embrace this journey together, knowing that your love and openness will help your child grow with confidence and security.