Being a Big Sister Does Not Make you a Mother

Big sisters are particularly cool – and I promise I’m not just saying that because I have been a big sister since my younger brother was born almost 29 years ago (I’m a bit biased, though). I have three little girls that are big sisters themselves. Our oldest, our middle and the girl from our set of boy/girl twins are all ‘technically’ big sisters since our little man was born approximately 5 minutes after his ‘big’ twin sister. Being a big sister is cool, but we are not mothers to our younger siblings no matter how hard we might try. Growing up, I absolutely babied my younger brother. He tortured me and made my life a living nightmare for many years before we actually got along, and I still find myself ‘mothering’ him from time to time. Disapproving of the girls he brings home, what he was up to the night before and the things he thinks are hilarious to teach my kids. I find that my oldest daughter is such a little mother. She tells the babies what to do and what not to do, she bosses around our 4-year-old and she’s such a mother.

Even our 4-year-old likes to mother the twins. And by mother, I mean bully, because she marches to her very own special kind of beat and she LOVES the fact that she’s not the youngest in the family – or circle of friends – anymore. Big sisters are such mothers, but we are not mothers and it would do us well to remember that our siblings already have a mother. And even if they don’t, being the big sister does not make us the mother. So, just how does being a big sister differ from being a mother? We have a few examples of just how different it really is – and just how much you might want to enjoy your sisterhood for the moment. Don’t try to be a mother before it’s time; trust me.

Sisters Get Vacation

Unlike being a mother when you never, ever get a second off, sisters get all the time off in the world. For example, even when we do something without the kids, we are still thinking of them, worrying about them and carrying them with us in our hearts. I do not for even one second think of my little brother when my husband and I are enjoying date night. I love him, sure, but I don’t think about him 24/7.

Sisters can be “Done” with Parenting

Growing up, I mothered my brother. When he listened and did was I said, it was a lot of fun. When he was being a pain in my you-know-what and driving me nuts, or perhaps needed a new diaper, I could be ‘done’ with my role. It was mom’s time to get things handled and together and take care of her little boy. I was over it. I could be with my brother when things were cute and fun, but mom actually had to take care of all the gross stuff, and that’s why sister is a much better title.

Sisters are Cooler than Mothers

We are so much cooler than moms (I’m a mom of four, so I also say that with some bias). My kids love and adore me, but they are so close to one another as sisters, and they would choose one another over us any day. They are close, they are fun and they are so crazy about one another. They have their own little games and secrets and jokes. They laugh together, they play together, and I hope so much that their relationship is this close for the rest of their lives, too.

Sister Power is Limited Power

Big sisters get a little bit of power, and that’s always exciting. But it is limited. It’s limited to, “While we are out,” or until mom decides to take over again. You can’t ground them, or discipline them or make the rules. You can’t be mean to them just for fun (you can, but it’s less fun when you get caught, FYI). You have a little older sister power, but it’s so limited that it’s not even remotely close to having mom power. Mom power is AWESOME power.

Mom Still Makes all the Rules

At the end of the day, being a big sister is nothing like being mom for the simple fact that mom gets to make all the rules at the end of the day, you and have to follow them or you will suffer the consequences of your actions. Moms might not be as much fun as big sisters when you ask younger siblings, but they still get to be the boss.

Sisters Get to Know the Whole Truth

Perhaps the coolest thing about being a sister is that you get to know the whole truth and nothing but the truth. Your younger sibling is going to come to you in times of need rather than mom or dad so that they can first talk to you about what is going on, get your guidance and make a decision. And sometimes, mom and dad will never know this happened until many years later. It is no reflection on parenting by any means; but on a comfort level and a judgment level. Kids don’t want to disappoint their parents, but they feel that their big sister is going to be an impartial judge of things, and that’s going to help make the situation a bit more comfortable. It’s this that makes being a big sister the coolest job you’ll ever have.

Sisters are not mothers, but they do have a bond with their younger siblings that is undeniable and unforgettable. This is a bond that will never break, and it’s one that will withstand the test of time. And when everyone is all grown up and has families of their own, it’s SO much fun to tell mom and dad all the things you kept from them growing up. You  might even be surprised by what they already know.

Photo by Michael Buckner/Getty Images for Mercedes-Benz